Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
doodlebug33 20
Grab his penis and say "Mmmm...cocktail weenie"
thevelociraptor 31
If it really bothers you that much just tell him. I'm sure if you explained that him commenting about bacon while holding onto you is unflattering, he would stop. (:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
sidious_fml 16
Maybe he was just making a joke? :D
meepmerp 20
Wait whaaaat? I thought he actually believed that her flesh was made out of bacon!!?
CelticSkye 13
If that was a joke, it was in poor taste. Your boyfriend is a pig.
incoherentrmblr 22
Then I guess he wants to commit cannibalism...
fearlesscooldude 12
Bacon is good. Love handles are good. Getting called both is probably really nice, I'd take it as a compliment. :)
dragonkisses28 25
Maybe the moment got too deep for him and he was trying to lighten the mood?
thevelociraptor 31
If it really bothers you that much just tell him. I'm sure if you explained that him commenting about bacon while holding onto you is unflattering, he would stop. (:
noobienick 19
That would probably just egg him on
BingleBop 18
I personally think it's cute. My boyfriend likes to grab by thighs and call me his lamb chop haha
MidnightN7 17
Pretty rude thing to do, sorry op. On the bright side bacon is pretty awesome.
doodlebug33 20
Grab his penis and say "Mmmm...cocktail weenie"
Cyanidellama 4
I don't think it would have the same effect as it did on op. That would most likely turn him on.
Krirn 21
Unless it hits him that cocktail weenies are bite size.
Nedryel_fml 4
I don't get why if you get hurt you should try to hurt the other even more ... seriously do people who give such advices actualy do that in their own relationship ? Same goes for the "dump him" comments ...
TiaBug 13
Well, in Australia she'd call it a cheerio :P
Leeroy2259 4
I died a little when I read this xD
Ravike 17
OP try this at your own risk, there's a chance you'll end up riding a cocktail weenie as a result or a an argument over both of your body parts or he'll just apologize for what he said so prepare yourself for all the possible outcomes before trying this..
nerdychicreader 15
The heart wants what the heart wants.
MountainGiant87 15
Canadian or American bacon?
MrDonSalvetti 27
Australian ;)
KK3137 31
Ooh, I just discovered a movie called Canadian Bacon (1995). "The U.S. President, low in the opinion polls, gets talked into raising his popularity by trying to start a cold war against Canada.. Not sure how I feel about that.. Has anyone seen it?
jamiro11 19
@20 that sounds awesome
anticulas 12
I believe Canadian Bacon was a comedy.
i8cake 12
Immature of him even if you have a few extra pounds on you
tayymeds 23
Just do it right back and be like "mmmm.... mini corndogs." or something along the lines of small penis-shaped food insults.
miliaras93 17
Guys love bacon , so take it as a compliment even tho it might not seem like one .
MountainGiant87 15
Bacon and boobs. They make life worth it.
TechFire 25
Don't forget booty!
Brandi_Faith 34
Ya, as insulting as that probably sounds to us, he was probably all turned on by the thought of your body and bacon together, hence not an insult. :)
miliaras93 17
Exactly !
WaxenSecrets 5
As a guy, I can say that I can't see being compared to bacon as being a negative thing. If you're so attractive to him that you're comparable to BACON, I almost can't believe you ever even took offense to that. That is the farthest imaginable thing from an insult in man-land.
jokersmile13 10
Liking bacon isn't specific to guys, everybody loves bacon
Dozer1988 14
I have a pet pig, and sometimes I grab her back leg and tell her that her ham hock looks delicious. I would NEVER actually eat the pig. (She is just a pet) I just have a strange sense of humor. But since you don't eat people, generally... Maybe he's an asshole.
mld4657 28
If I had a pig I'd be doing the same thing lol, or telling him/her what great bacon she'd be
MrCantgetright 4
if I had a pet pig I'd be fattening it up then its bacon, spare ribs, and chops for all. then buy a new pet and start over