Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
LaBooskie 1
Wow, My bf said, the very samething to me a year ago. I learned that you don't joke about Bacon with men. Lol
greenie213 23
Bacon makes everything better.
greenie213 23
Damn! Someone beat me to it!
laden_swallow09 35
Don't get upset. It's worth saying twice.
tehcyberman 9
You can never go wrong with bacon.
admaspaz17 4
That's hilarious!!! :)
DocBastard 40
So when he said he wants to pork you, he was serious.
dude1122332 9
You get me so hot and greasy.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Squeal for me, baby. Oh god, that was horrible.
emmaweeee 0
There's nothing wrong with that combination, bacon is orgasmic eating it on its own, but throwing sex into the mix would only heighten that pleasurable experience
Alphakhiash 13
I don't see the FML.
Sandsh8rk 36
Sounds like a pretty good idea to me...
dude1122332 9
If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ironheart98 14
bacon is awesome and goes with everything