Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
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Top comments
XtraEzeee 8
Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.
mike14991499 9
You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?
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Comments (268)
SimplyEerb 3
Genius
fordman22 0
Stick dat up er ole twizzle an eat er up!
gottageek 17
You should be flattered, he's willing to engage in an activity that suggest sharing bacon with you, amongst other things. That's true love there.
hateevryone 15
Really though?
ccamphu11 7
I'm so glad I'm not the only one! My husband thinks that it would be a good idea for him to have steak while having sex. His logic is that it's the two best things at the same time...
ChuckMcNugget 1
/../bacon mhmmmm
mommy_me 4
You never know unless you try, right? And besides, even if it doesn't work, at least you get Bacon :)
dossome 1
I fail to see the problem here. Bacon makes everything better
izzy7 11
Make sure he cooks it naked so you get a sizzling show and he hopefully learns his lesson.
metalwolf 17
Just be glad he didnt suggest chili peppers. Most people dont like burning down there.