Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML
Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, me and my hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. He’s always wanted to eat food off my body but never wanted to deal with the mess. He got a little too excited and ended up biting my nipple instead of the spaghetti. I didn’t know someone was capable of biting that hard on soft food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
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Top comments
cacheson 42
Some people aren’t super into sweet, maybe this is just his alternative.
cuz803 46
Sounds hot and tasty. Bless you two
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Comments (9)
cacheson 42
Some people aren’t super into sweet, maybe this is just his alternative.
cuz803 46
Sounds hot and tasty. Bless you two
Hangryko 32
Is your husband George Costanza? Will he be going for the trifecta and adding TV?
RichardPencil 32
I don't get it. Weirdo? Sounds like you married a creative original. Mmmm...bacon...and boobs. Not sure about the bleu cheese sauce, but two out of three ain't bad.
HokieJ 10
Squirty cream?
SirEnigM0nk 22
Is your name Wendy by any chance?
dreams2383 20
sounds like he was just hungry and wanted to eat and have sex at the same time.
idragosani 17
Crispy bacon? I'm down for that