Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon. He nailed it. Smartass. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, my cat ate the dog's food and is now very sick. For the third time. The first time he did it, I was concerned; second time, I was confused. Now I realize he's just an idiot. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
You essentially have a lizard cat
Geckosrock99 33
Hey, OP here. So what happed was I was sitting on my bed watching anime when my iguana climbed up and sat next to me. I thought nothing of it as he likes watching cartoons. I was totally into the show (Twin Star Exorcists) and was pretty surprised when I felt the bite. He did very little damage, just two teeth sized little holes. After washing up, I gave him a mix of collard greens and a peach with his reptile calcuim on top and he ate everything. Guess he thought my finger was a peach, because he nibbled it. Same hand, only a little damage. He's a good boy when he's not trying to eat my hand/fingers. I think he got that habit when I was hand feeding him to help fix his behavior problems. He's easier to read now that he trusts me, but he associates fingers with food a little too much, even if his food is in a bowl. I used asshole in an endearing way, since he will knock things off my dresser, escape the safety of my room, and make messes where he isn't supposed to, on top of trying to eat my hand/fingers. I love him anyway, mischief and all.
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Comments (44)
EvilLittleMan 23
Bad Iggy...
GoogieWithers 25
Breeding season?
WillMM76 12
Hey Op, I didn't read through all the comments, so I don't know if it was posted, but is your iguana a male? I believe all male saurians (lizards) pick up on the pheromones emitted by females. They all recognize this and some will very likely attempt courtship and breeding. Lizards bite and mate rather aggressively. Be on guard for behavior changes as the lizard matures ;-)
Geckosrock99 33
Iggzilla is a male, yes. He hasn't tried mating with anything that I've seen, but I know he's tried mating with a few plush toys as I've cleaned up the mess.
Rykers 18
It's actually amazing what I learn on FML some days.
molliekatz 6
He's NOT an asshole. He was trying to tell you something dude. Reptiles aren't good pets BECAUSE they don't communicate with us. They know TWO things....1)YOU FEED THEM and 2) YOU FEED THEM. So if he's hungry staring at his bowl won't tell you that. ALSO since you fed him a peach YOUR fingers smell like that fruit. Wash your hands dude. Lol wild iguanas are SOMETIMES carnivorous....NOT that he is. Hopefully he's never tasted blood or you're about to have a serious issue ;)
Geckosrock99 33
Regardless of what my hands smell or taste like, he will try to eat them as he associates them with food. But I'd rather get an eating bite than an angry bite as its a lot less aggressive. You sound a bit like someone who has either never owned an iguana or never tried to get to know one. I suggest getting to know one, its very rewarding. They have personality just like any other animals. I will admit that reptiles can be intimidating, especially if you can't read their body language. Too many people see Iggzilla as a reptilian monster when he isn't.
Rykers 18
I don't think your Iguana is a veggie anymore.
Ilovemusic237 19
Maybe he was trying to tell you he was still hungry?
TheNewGuy03 29
Your iguana is basically a sentient meme
Tyrax 16
It might be breeding season. I've heard of that happening before.
poolenchantress 5
Iguanas, especially young ones, will readily eat a little protein now and then. Your hand twitching on the bed next to him made him think of a bug or small animal. He might appreciate, and benefit from, a little variety. You can buy meal worms or wax worms at any petstore that caters to exotics.
OtherOtherRight 2
I wonder what ever happened to that saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you"...