Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.
firegirl1993 21
Polly want an orange
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Comments (183)
firegirl1993 21
Polly want an orange
derper71 3
Rofl, OP this is why u need a ferrari so u can jet to the store.
yomommma 6
Polly wants your momma's sweet ass!
HowAreYouToday 34
^ -_- nobody wants that
CryMoreFMLs 15
Great, a yo momma joke fan. Like we need more of those.
stupid_pirate 0
29- it's not a yo momma joke. it's from Scary Movie 2? I'm not sure which but it's from one of those.
Laurenlou 24
But orange you glad she didn't say bananas? (;
SuperDerp 8
1-epic ^.^
StoryOfTheYear 15
47- Yay pun :D
rob1188 0
Everyone's thinking it... This is a true angry bird!
slitherbomb 0
64, I wasn't thinking that.... I was thinking of boobs....
xoconnie 8
the girl who was in the movie paully or paully wanna cracker, idk what its called i forget...went to my school :0 but sorry about the parrot maybe try a different fruit? lol goodluck man
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
68-Try to make sense next time.
xoconnie 8
what didnt u understand my friend, maybe i can help u out.
Futacy 30
*Squawk* Give me that orange, bitch! *Squawk*
yoursucklives 36
i know that, my parrott likes crack a lot
Futacy 30
Your parrot is fruity beyond belief FYL
Futacy 30
Your parrot is fruity beyond belief FYL
Blue87 4
Polly wants ur mama's sweet ass.
thingfish 0
it's almost as bad as having a kid, haha
rallets 23
dammit #47 beat me to it
daxxbuttons 12
Ha. Scary Movie.
iluvboobies 9
I know a good chinese recipe for orange-glased parr... I mean chicken.
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
1. Introduce it to Snake Venom. 2. Put a pig in it's cage.
njgohard 16
Now spike it with Red Bull.
drawmesunshine 17
Enabler!
lv8898 0
94...my Amazon Parrot LOVES chicken too! we sometimes give her a leg bone to chew on when she gets too hyper
kenharb 4
if you give the bird an orange everytime it screeches, your teaching it to screech whenever it wants one.
Radix 3
It's from scary movie
dillynf39 3
FIRST
agoth 0
sucks for you but lol!
Alphonsuuuu 0
You have an awesome parrot.
Jimster1712 0
introduce it to meth. problem solved.
Dr_Jalepenos 0
The same parrot from RWJ?
ChibiGirl5 0
OMG I love your pic lol Al is so cute
starsfan_9 7
Could be worse. You could have introduced the parrot to human flesh...
bubo_fml 11
I had a friend whose last name was Krueger, who had this parakeet named Freddie...(Freddie Krueger, get it?!) This sik *** of a bird would eat chicken & squawk for more...That's just about cannibalism!!
eminemchick 19
^cool story bro
MrFancy 0
Better get that parrot some oranges. Polly doesn't want scurvy.
white16sox 19
Reminds me of that dog that wouldn't stop barking unless the babysitter held up a blanket for it to hump.
iAmScrubs 19
Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.
Soloman212 28
Orange is a serious addiction, that needs to be treated!!
sxe_beast 11
I sniff Orange zest.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Or just take it out behind the woodshed and cap it :D bullet only costs 10 cents whereas a lifetime of oranges will drag you down from that new quilt you have been saving up for That would be bad :(
yamatelle 19
Mine likes to suck the juice up his asshole.
mspoutylips 8
Wtf?
sxe_beast 11
I like to suck your juice up my asshole.
yamatelle 19
It's a FML reference about the brother sucking pool water up his asshole. Chill....
yamatelle 19
Is that your new fetish? I think I love you....
daysgoby902 6
ha my subs taste like oranges
eminemchick 19
49 i can tell from your pictureD:
iLOLatURpain69 7
111 is backk! And orange you glad he isnt addicted to bananas?
HomeAl0ne 20
You're on a slippery slope now, orange is a gateway fruit to durian.
AyeeArieel 5
Obey the bird !
wishfulmidget 0
bwahaha
SesameSpeed 7
That actually sounds quite awful. FYL op!
ShyAnn29 15
I have a parrot too, and it does get pretty awful, they can be so damn loud!!
xJudii 5
Buy more oranges .(:
Spaghetti7 5
Enjoy your ears whilst they last
TwoFootedMan 0
Shoot the bird!!!
JenDanielle917 13
Bitch.
SLC_grumpypants 5
I second that motion. Go buy a tiny noose and USE it.
Blueglasscup 18
Well oranges sure seem healthier than crackers!