Mrs 47 years-old In a relationship
Today, my mum told me I should see a therapist when she saw me wipe down a remote before using it. My dad has a knack for blowing his nose into his hand and wiping it on his pants, and my mum is the kind to pick up food residue from the drain and eat it - but sure, I'M the one with bad habits. FML
Today, we found out the god-awful smell in our truck was actually coming from the whole uncooked chicken I thought the store forgot to ring up over two weeks ago. It had fallen out of the bag and under the passenger seat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML
Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML
Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML
Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML
Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML
Today, my best friend and I got in a fight, and we have a 3 hour drive back home together. FML
Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in three months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML
Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML
Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML
Today, I spent Christmas trying to cover up my mom's affair in hopes that my siblings could spend one Christmas without a yelling match breaking out. FML
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