Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked the iguana to paint his cousin, the chameleon. He nailed it. Smartass. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, my cat ate the dog's food and is now very sick. For the third time. The first time he did it, I was concerned; second time, I was confused. Now I realize he's just an idiot. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
You essentially have a lizard cat
Geckosrock99 33
Hey, OP here. So what happed was I was sitting on my bed watching anime when my iguana climbed up and sat next to me. I thought nothing of it as he likes watching cartoons. I was totally into the show (Twin Star Exorcists) and was pretty surprised when I felt the bite. He did very little damage, just two teeth sized little holes. After washing up, I gave him a mix of collard greens and a peach with his reptile calcuim on top and he ate everything. Guess he thought my finger was a peach, because he nibbled it. Same hand, only a little damage. He's a good boy when he's not trying to eat my hand/fingers. I think he got that habit when I was hand feeding him to help fix his behavior problems. He's easier to read now that he trusts me, but he associates fingers with food a little too much, even if his food is in a bowl. I used asshole in an endearing way, since he will knock things off my dresser, escape the safety of my room, and make messes where he isn't supposed to, on top of trying to eat my hand/fingers. I love him anyway, mischief and all.
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Comments (44)
littlej21 3
iguana are assholes for one and males get very teritorial and two they are omnivorous mean to eat vegetables and meat so try feeding it to meet ie crickets or something similar
SauronsCataract 15
Nah, they are just not very smart - your finger probably smelled after your food, so iguana couldn't resist. They are not allowed to eat any meat, pastry or diary products (it could literally destroy their liver), but they just love the smell.
DishwasherFairy 4
Congratulations, you just taught your iguana to bite you for food. It's called positive reinforcement.
trumpy 9
or maybe he is acting like any lizard and is trying to 'eat' your hand because it smelled like what he eats