34 years-old
Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML
Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML
Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML
Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML
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