Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
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Top comments
hatesfate 6
That's hot
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
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Comments (134)
loserman67 36
I've heard of "whiskey dick" but never "whiskey c**t" First time for eveything! In the old west, they would use whiskey to disinfect an open wound.... maybe he thought? Nah........
RedPillSucks 33
Genital and tonic, anyone?
Spectre529 12
Ouch!!!! Definitely sucks OP. Had an BF that had a salty drink before... That burned like hell
ballbearing 10
Reminds me of the time I went down on my boyfriend with a listerine power strip in my mouth. He cried like a little girl
afuckedlife 4
Female equivalent of Whiskey Dick?
killajayson 0
FIRE CROTCH!!
MigraineurOfLife 15
You've now earned the title of 'fire crotch' without being a redhead.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Try champagne next time, that's a lot better!
bkisbest96 1
Next time don't try any alcohol it causes a yeast infection and also you might want to go to the doctor and get that checked out..
bchatzis 9
just do it back to him, or do it with mouthwash. Itl give him the same excruciating experience