Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
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Top comments
hatesfate 6
That's hot
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
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Comments (134)
nathantcash 0
OW!
juicypu55y 0
Ur too young to know
emILYforever 0
mate, he's 14. I think he knows:P nah true
pagullarka 9
Next time maybe let him try gasoline
ChuckNorrisBeard 0
Icy-Hot on his penis?
paigehawk36 1
Lol my friends did that for fun.
lilpowers 3
Hot sex?
screwhim622 0
it makes me think of that Lady Gaga song-Heavy Metal Lover. "I want your whiskey mouth all-over my blonde south.." XP
FalconCrunch 4
You know things are bad when your dude has to deaden all sense of taste before visiting your stinky bearded clam.
glittercookies 12
Or maybe he was just drinking and they got horny.
SteviGuiley 2
Well, you're going to have a yeast infection.
loveistwisted 10
Genitals.... Boyfriend. So you're a guy right?
loserman67 36
Please tell me that this was a lame attempt at humor. You really cannot be that stupid. Both the male and female reproductive organs are referred to genitals. Also, did you not see that SHE posted her gender along with her nic? Where's Doc? We have a mercy killing that needs doing over here!
TheDrudgeChild 4
She's 16 according to her profile... This is why we need Sex Ed in schools again. Let me guess, you didn't know females could get oral too?
NoKittyMyPotPie 3
I bet that was wild. Did you ****** really good?
msrabbit625 4
Why would u not think that alcohol was goin to burn down there?