Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML
Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML
Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML
Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML
Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML
Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
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Top comments
beccaishereyay 11
Doesn't matter, had sex
mama2b3 20
Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!
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Comments (141)
jojimugo 20
Bummer ..... Hey at least you guys were not mauled
LMA0 5
Ya, that was almost a shitty situation.
imustbeinsane 2
You're supposed to make yourself look as big as possible when you encounter a bear OP not shrivel up lol
br0dawg 6
bwahaha it's the ******* woods OP maybe you expected all the woodland creatures to prance merrily and sing a joyful tune while you got it in or some shit like that
muzy 23
34- unless it's a grizzly in which case Op would've been royally ****** if he took your advice.
thiscrazything 1
I laughed so hard I can bearly stand it. What wood you have done if it charged you? Next time don't **** with someone else's territory.
Suchagoonnn 4
I hate when I get cockblocked by bears
MiniNyn 5
Today, I was trying to get some sleep due to having the bear-flu. Some obnoxious kids were having loud, inconsiderate sex right down the path, so I roared to get them to shut the hell up. Roaring made me puke on myself. FML ... Poor bear :(
KiddNYC1O 22
46- Exactly. That advice should be followed towards black bears. Now for grizzly bears, you play dead. If it's a polar, say your prayers...
JocelynKaulitz 28
He probably just wanted to get in on some of the action...
TheNewGuy03 29
I'm pretty sure the bear felt left out. Next time, you should consider the bear's feelings. Maybe give the bear a good *******.* *100% chance of death |the kid|
beccaishereyay 11
Doesn't matter, had sex
klovemachine 24
Ah yeah :)
l0v3p4in 7
Had sex. Encountered bear. No ******. Blue balls. Almost shit self. Yep, obviously nothing else matters.
beccaishereyay 11
I stopped reading after "had sex".
OneNightStander 6
Ya 33 stopped reading after Had Sex. Nice Pic btw
wittygirl 8
It is a nice pic that cat is so pretty, screw the human cats rule! :D
AFCA020 4
She's kissing her pussy... Well i guess that's worth a positive comment.... :)
mauwsz 5
I LOVE YOU!!!
natepooch 4
creeps...
beccaishereyay 11
Well
cobaltss06 1
Lol the cat kinda looks pissed off but yea good pic
vintagemeow 6
Sounds embearassing
LMA0 5
I had to paws and think about that before I got it.
vintagemeow 6
Lucky the bear didn't get OP- then they might have needed a rebear kit.
sickjairo 7
He turned soft inside her quick haha
Jakesterk96 8
^combo breaker.
TheNewGuy03 29
I would have added a claws or two about not ******* in the woods, but ... no need to state the obvious. |the kid|
nickharbut 6
What? So no more sex in the woods? Lolol.
ClassyCommando 13
My God, Holmes! How do you do it?
yahoowizard 16
No, the bear just makes it more risque
mama2b3 20
Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!
ClassyCommando 13
Ugh...I'm trying not to picture those bare bodies...and bear body.
MetalxSoldier 26
Kinky. ;) Tap that "bear" ass!
ObsessedWithMe 13
That comment is a win. ^^^
killajayson 0
This comment made my day! Haha
black6 1
No I real man would have shot the bear and not missed a stroke. Plus then you have food and a rug to relax on.
WOGBRO 6
23- You have cheesy jokes
notsorandomguy 18
Unfortunately, 5, that bear was probably a pedobear.
slick5880 22
Bear... Bear ******... Do you need assistance?
I_heart_sex 1
Riding 'bear' back
A7x4REVer 3
Lmfao no kidding
Kog_Hiro 17
Might of been Yogi coming after her picnic basket.
teague95 16
"Hey boo boo howa bouts a pik a nic basket". That immediately popped in my head.
nw42 0
her?
AdamBasebal69 0
I'm smarter than the average bear a Boo Boo.
tweetbaby14 18
More like the bear could smell the fresh scent of salmon. To the bear's dismay, it was only a girl and her boyfriend that could not afford a hotel.
Kog_Hiro 17
Yes 47. Her.
NippsSlipps 10
I hope you didn't use a leaf as a 'natural' condom.
ClassyCommando 13
Nope, they went bearback.
jonriise18 3
28 - very well played sir.
soothesayer17 0
I agree that was very well done 28
Jakesterk96 8
I agree t....*gets shot in the face*.
Whitesound 3
116, nice try hard move there.
Birdie_Sage 0
Good! That'll teach you your lesson!
Branflakes78 13
what lesson? they wanted to try something more kinky then some random room in their house
HeartOfLead 24
Agreed, of course, that is if you're implying
HeartOfLead 24
Ignore my previous comment. FML and auto correct have teamed up on me. Anyway, what I was saying is that I'm in agreement if the point was that they deserve a scare because they've learned nothing from horror movies. At that moment an actual serial killer could've been there to abduct you! You ignorant children know nothing about the dangers of making love in the WOODS.
ThecomingofTan 9
I think the bear was hitting on your girl, OP. They always did have a way with words.
proud2fly 7
Lost your wood in the woods.