Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
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Top comments
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Vaginas. They're grrrrreat!
desoto96 9
Cookie Monster would be proud.
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Comments (130)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Vaginas. They're grrrrreat!
boating_guy 33
Dear God, I might never think of Frosted Flakes the same way again....
FlyingPie 17
I generally don't like to think of flakes in combination with the genital area..
CallMeMcFeelii 14
At least he wasn't going slurpslurpslurpslurp. That sound would gross me out so much more than nomnomnom. I'm more of a fan of "kywaaa" cuz I imagine karate chopping the the evil "Chuck Norris" with my tongue. Lol.
mfischer 17
As long as she doesn't snap, crackle, or pop when she gets wet.
Inheritance 10
Pacman would be proud!
negb 30
My boyfriend jokes about doing this...
Oohyeahh 5
@69...HAHA the irony in your comment number and the post.
onlychildFTW 34
Anyone else actually read it in the tigers voice? Or was I the only one???
myusername23 17
It's Cookie Monster that makes that sound
sens3sfailing 25
93-he meant in reference to #1
desoto96 9
Cookie Monster would be proud.
lordkazuma 2
Lmfao
mfischer 17
V is for ******, that's good enough for me...
Feared 9
Should have been "P is for pussy" because cookie is 2 syllables.
mfischer 17
Forgive me, I've been reading the V for Vendetta comics. My mind is on the letter V.
blazemand97 2
Omnomnomnom
BlowinChronic 18
That was enlightening. Ever considered writing a book?
Pleonasm 36
I believe that was the blurb right there.
ConfederateSlave 2
Why does this have so many negative comments?
woainishamu 21
He was quite hungry.
Pleonasm 36
Eating out; he's doing it right.
timjones 8
Okay I have to ask. Is that a noodle sticking from your mouth? That's what I've always thought it was. What is it?
Helloilike_lacro 8
He's holding up a fake mustache genius. It is the stick from it.
hotPinklipstick 24
It's a mustache on a stick. It's so people who want to participate in no shave November, but can't due to lack of facial hair, can actually partake in the activities. Edit: 84 beat me to it. Also I'm sure that's not the true reason behind it, but it sounded good in my sleep deprived head.
Pleonasm 36
Picture was taken in July, sorry ;) maybe one day I'll post my real stache.
FYLinAmajorWay 1
I guess it's better than, "Wakawakawakawakawaka"...Eat all the ghosts! Now eat the cherry for bonus points!!
mfischer 17
Now it's time for the power balls!
prettykitty82 4
I see what you did thurr
omg36 7
Omggg that made me crack the **** up
onlychildFTW 34
Really? Please explained further 72.
aruges93 12
Wow that would definitely kill it for me or maybe just make me laugh :)
happle 21
I don't understand why that would kill the mood... I'd laugh too if my boyfriend did that.
aruges93 12
Well at first I thought it would be weird then I actually thought about it and I would just laugh and tell him to get back to it lol
paigeatsflesh 11
I agree! I would have laughed my ass off.
Isoldael 27
Ahhh... The tangled webs we weave...
Ally156 5
You say snake's are adorable???? They scare the hell out of me!
Isoldael 27
As for this comment, it's a League of Legends reference - I can imagine the bf saying this next ^^
wildsweetchild 19
You OP don't have a good sense of humor! I would laugh my ass off and pay him back with something funny and nice as well !
perdix 31
He was probably having a PTSD flashback of his time in 'Nam. It reminded him of the steamy jungle with untold danger lurking ahead.
Pleonasm 36
If he starts saying "fire in the hole," you get outta there.
Ally156 5
What's a PTSD?
Lucia_Malpense 14
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder