Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
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Top comments
hatesfate 6
That's hot
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
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Comments (134)
eminemsraps 0
Next time give him head with whiskey in your mouth
silverdarklion 6
Redneck sex?
Schmoozee98 0
so this is russian ****?
kiakia0131 23
Just reading this FML made me wince.
marisadc79 0
Ouch he'd be paying for that one, what a jerk. Maybe a little icy hot on his balls would make him reconsider a bonehead move like that. Revenge is a real bitch.
preprepre 0
Not sure if "sucks" here means what i think you know what i mean
onorexveritas 24
lmfao!
letsgooo_fml 23
Interesting.
EpicFML13 3
Hmm whiskey and genitals...was it a good burn or a stinging bad burn? Just asking!
dartzli 3
I was not aware females had genitals... >.>
kitten_mittens5 8
Are you serious?..