Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
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Top comments
hatesfate 6
That's hot
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
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Comments (134)
hatesfate 6
That's hot
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
he must be a badass to hold whiskey in his mouth that long...he was probably just trying to test the jackass theory in your vag. did you get drunk??
Crazberry 5
Damn, I was going to say the same thing lol I gave you a thumb up for beating me to it :P
EduJav321 24
The were getting hot and heavy
tygerarmy 35
That's not Johnny Cash meant when he sang "Ring of Fire"
DrDilllonReese 12
Burn baby burn!
WaSiSimiLang 8
I see the word hot and on fire and I straight away thought of the super hot racy wild sweaty all night long sex sessions... Straight turn on. I think op's boyfriend would be stoked as he would think setting op's genitals on fire was a compliment. ON FIRE BABY! Woaahhhhh psssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh
enonymous 9
Next time just ask him to use the fire hose to put out your fire
ilovedinosawers 17
That's my catch phrase
numbers878 8
Am I the only one who read whiskers?
princess151617 4
No I did too. Lol
Maddidaddi 0
Mm. Sexy.
Guren 0
If its hot take off all your clothes
I_heart_sex 1
Was he trying to send a message?
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter had sex :)
NippsSlipps 10
Reminds me of a prank call a friend made. She said 'THERE'S A FIRE IN MY PUSSY!!! HELP!!!'
Branflakes78 13
NO just no
SpruceDread4578 13
That...was ******* terrible.
Suchagoonnn 4
I hope it really happened to her. Thats not something you joke about..
PlaidPanda 9
#2 I believe that's from jerky boys.
Branflakes78 13
I know the Jerkey Boys, my dad are friends with them
LightningCactus 12
Is*
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
OneNightStander 6
F*ck you im from Michigan
GoodLookingGeese 10
Neh, only Russia!
harrypotter955 19
I'm from Michigan too, that's how I know it can happen.
prettypinkpixie 9
And if OP had posted from Texas, you would have said 'only in Texas can this happen.' Or if it were Maine, or Arizona, and so on and so on....
thisbitchlys 0
Burn baby burn.
teh1337 1
Thumbs down. For the duck face in your profile pic.
arealwarrior 0
Thumbs down for the pop tart cat
DooleyFTW 17
Better than nyan cat. Man that's annoying! Ignore him 4 you somehow manage to pull off the duckface, your profile picture is basically a miracle!
andrewcollins 8
Lol u have commented on almost every recent fml here
danielwilliams57 6
Pussy inferno
CryMoreFMLs 15
We have a craptastic cat that craps rainbows, a duck, a fan meeting obama, and a murderer in this comment thread. Seems legit.
cobaltss06 1
No she somehow pulls it off and also she is hot
form434 5
He just though it needs a little disinfecting xD
SkoomaKi 28
Nah, more whiskey! She'll get used to it eventually.
4rmMiami 4
For someone who never drank whiskey you should have known it burns. If it burns down your throat it would burn down there
l0v3p4in 7
"For someone who never drank whiskey, you should know . . ." Yes. OP should have read the label tattooed on her boyfriend's forehead, 'WARNING: Do not receive oral sex from anyone who retains whiskey in the mouth.'
williamcarter93 13
Maybe your genitals are scratched.
immaMonsta 8
Or maybe her boyfriend went down on her with whiskey in his mouth like the FML says.
mikeawesome 0
Wow judging by what you said and how u look I'm goin to say u have never gotten any
NoxiousNorwegian 5
Who says that?!?!? I agree with ^^^
calvincole 3
Who knows maybe you haven't gotten any either and don't say stuff about people's pics and stuff besides you probably said that because your trying to hide your inner and outer ugliness so have fun in hell
williamcarter93 13
yeah...I'm a virgin, so what......sex ain't the only thing nor the most important thing in life. And yeah, considering I've never licked genitals or been drunk, I had no idea it would burn being on the flesh down there in itself....I more saw it almost like it is when you have a small cut and don't know until you use soap in the bathtub
jrobbins3 0
50 - Dude that's beat up. Why are you going to be like that, some people haven't had sex, some people don't drink. So what? Get over yourself.
jjake20140 2
And you never even thought this would sting? I fell that you allowed him to do this knowing there was whiskey in his mouth.
BunBunBabe 8
Why would you allow that? Of course that would hurt and burn. I hope he doesn't need to have a mouthful of whiskey to get through doing that to you
grasshopper02 2
You prob got wasted though...
soothesayer17 0
You dont say?
KiddNYC1O 22
I want to get chocolate wasted!