Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a bit buzzed, I finally gave in to my boyfriend's request and gave him a rimjob. I was licking away when I suddenly realized what I was doing, leapt off the bed, and ran to the toilet to puke. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else had left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML
Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrived. As we were going at it, he shat on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
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Top comments
inappropes 31
Most things people do while drunk are something they have thought about but have some apprehension doing. It very well could be a new thing lol.
123765 18
the drinking or the rim job is going to be a regular thing?
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Comments (25)
123765 18
the drinking or the rim job is going to be a regular thing?
Cali 57
Can't have one without the other, it seems!
inappropes 31
Most things people do while drunk are something they have thought about but have some apprehension doing. It very well could be a new thing lol.
RichardPencil 32
I guess you win the “Who Had a Worse Week” contest. A long future of literal ass-licking has to be worse than any of her petty complaints!
Talented73 54
Rectum? Damn near killed 'um! Just remember, once you get past the smell, you'll have it licked.
chosha_fml 27
Explain that’s not so before he can get too convinced it’s the new normal.
Allie614032 34
Sounds like you had more than "a few" drinks.
Alhana Peterson 3
or this person's tolerance sucks ?
seasonedtoast 19
I always thought rim job was another way of saying head job. I suddenly understand a lot of confusion from my teenage years.
Just Some Dood 6
what's a head job?
PenguinPal3017 19
It's where you repeatedly smash your head against their ass.
Lobby_Bee 18
That's what happen when you introduce something new to the menu.
Notmymonkeysnotmycircus 16
You literally kissing ass
Razell 13
... as long as you don't blame any of your subsequent E. Coli infections on some innocent restaurant.
Razell 13
' cause seriously: that's disgusting.