Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML
Today, I had a few drinks with a female friend after having a bad week. I got so wasted that I wound up ending the night by giving my boyfriend a rimjob. He thoroughly enjoyed it and thinks it's going to be a regular thing now. FML
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Top comments
hatesfate 6
That's hot
harrypotter955 19
Only in Michigan can this happen.
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Comments (134)
SpruceDread4578 13
Why would you even let him go down on you with whiskey in his mouth? I say you deserved the pain.
jdcg116 10
Dumba$$
nofearjenshere 12
You're the dumba$$.
OrigamiProdigy 0
Dumbass*
WhyKillRobots 2
Bad choice.... Have him try a Halls next time ;)
l0v3p4in 7
Or Altoids.
deliki 11
Pop rocks, ice, honey, all these are ok and not painful..
Enslaved 38
I love Pop Rocks! Now, I have a new found appreciation for their popping magik! (: **If it burns in your mouth, it'll burn down there! So Halls, Altoids, RedHots etc... are not a good idea. Even a mouth that has just been freshly brushed with a minty tooth paste, will sting a tad! :O
Specter501 5
Tabasco sauce, jalapeño juice , or buffalo sauce are also great things to use
karmicsamadi86 9
And he thought this was a good idea because???
Tthug 34
He wasn't thinking. He was drunk.
mikepattonfan 0
......mittens
greenmen 12
Maybe you should return the favor
lynn0985 5
Might end up with a yeast infection!!!
Doxy 22
Brings a literal meaning to burning loins.
Sylvasa 15
Why did you even let him?
eyecon502 13
Sadly, this is not the first time i have heard someone say that.