Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
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Top comments
zman1422 3
He really does care!
Stealthed 8
There's no joke about a zombie apocalypse.
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Comments (179)
superstar429 7
hav a sense of humor
pappuyaer 0
So Are you sleeping with your one eye open ?
jallred254 4
He definitely isn't kidding.
Commander223 9
"Round 7 complete"
SlaveToRetail 10
That's love right there. Haha. If my boyfriend got bit I'd tell him I love him and blow his brains out. No way would I let him become one of those things.
perdix 31
How exactly would you do that? Would you try to inflate him via his hose attachment until his skull couldn't withstand the pressure? I'm not sure such a pneumatic pathway exists, but I think your boyfriend wouldn't mind you spending a few hours trying to save him.
Wh0res 4
he's not.
AmericanGal21 11
Ahh, true love
RedSharpieInk 5
A tire iron? Why not a chainsaw or something? It would be easier..
lys1982 2
Chainsaws = noisy. Plus you wanna save that gas :-D
Rainbow_dumpster 28
...
Anbuntou 8
He just wants to put an end to your suffering. I mean think about it, would you want to wander around aimlessly, looking pretty disgusting and sticking to a brains only diet?