Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
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Top comments
zman1422 3
He really does care!
Stealthed 8
There's no joke about a zombie apocalypse.
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Comments (179)
MidnightBlossom 2
Someone's been playing too much Dead Island.
brianjman14 23
Or maybe Dead Rising.
Cereal_Is_Good 5
Or Fallout 3.
superstar429 7
maybe playing too much left 4 dead 2
superstar429 7
maybe playing too much left 4 dead 2
superstar429 7
maybe playing too much left 4 dead 2
Deeznutzhairy 7
Or resident evil O.o
superstar429 7
never heard of that game must be wack
Hayman68 4
or "insert zombie francise here"
im_awsome 2
Your picture :0
Deeznutzhairy 7
Your picture :O ! *blocks eyes*
skylarbee 8
I told my boyfriend if he was a zombie I'd finish him off. He told me the same thing. Your bf is prob upset you don't care enough to do the same to him. ;)
TheLetterZero 7
If he really loved you, he'd end your zombie life quick and less painful. I'd say a clean beheading would be nicer than being beaten.
wozman 0
:D when zombie girlfriends attack
melissarxy1 3
That sounds like a Troma film.
perdix 31
Buy him a membership to AAA and hide his tire iron. Problem solved. It's a good investment because a zombie apocalypse is more likely than your bf getting a flat. I doubt your bf has much to fear from the zombies. Doesn't sound like there is a lot of BRAINZ in there.
yummylicious 5
You should be flattered, OP!
salvorican 24
Awwww if I had a boyfriend I'd want him to love me enough to beat me with a tire iron until I'm dead. He sounds romantic :P
GoodLookingGeese 10
Sounds like a fundamental Muslim type of love...
Daralea 21
pssh! I have standards. My guy would have to kill me with a crossbow or better.
emo_chick4 0
Weird.
yummylicious 5
It's a compliment!
boredblonde 17
Maybe hes a zombie in disguise..
brianjman14 23
If I was infected and about to turn into a zombie, I would want someone to kill me, too. So I'm not a danger to the group of survivors and so my body can rest in peace. But... I'd rather be shot in the head than be beaten with a tire...
white16sox 19
Just saying you missed the word iron at the end.