Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML
Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML
Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML
Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to beat him up so he could look tough around his friends. When I just stared at him, he added, "Please don't break anything though. Nothing too serious." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML
Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
zman1422 3
He really does care!
Stealthed 8
There's no joke about a zombie apocalypse.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (179)
OfficeNinja 5
tell him in the event of a douche bag apocalypse you will love him enough to dump him - then announce that the apocalypse has happened just now...
TheHarvardian 25
I would be mildly terrified if I were you. If he starts having really realistic nightmares, its possible that he might hurt you while still sleeping/half asleep. Perhaps you need to have a serious conversation with this man.
SamanthaSaurus 13
Welcome to the United States of Zombieland.
BritLass 15
At least you know he'll take care of you! ;)
Neonnight 0
Zombie time
psuedodragon 23
I can't believe your upset about this. Clearly he should dump you, because in the event of the Zompocalyse you are not going to be prepared and will just slow him down and decrease his chances of survival. You need to be able to depend on your group... it is a matter of survival after all...
wthmam 0
:(
thejedi08 10
DOUBLE TAP!
Deathchair 7
Why specifically a tire iron? I mean a hammer would probably be more effective.
white16sox 19
Tell this to George romero. He will kill you.