Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "She used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML
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Top comments
wootwootimahoot 10
Hypocrite.
Grand_Cookie 21
Sack up and stop doing it for her. Two can play that game.
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Comments (219)
PulseShock 9
Stop giving her oral... I go biblical on this one, an eye for an eye...oral for oral?
theaaxis 27
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't 'an eye for an eye' from Gandhi?
dmattimeoj 12
in that case, consider yourself forgiven.
tikimuppet 11
@31 Gandhi said "an eye for an eye makes everyone blind". "An eye for an eye" was said in the book of Exodus.
SammyS2012 21
I thought "eye for an eye" was from the Babyloniab Code of Laws o.O
PulseShock 9
#31 get educated
gmian 34
An eye for an eye is originally from the code of Hammurabi, the Babylonian one, but the book of Exodus also uses it.
jesterkitty4 14
******** aren't bad, I enjoy giving them to my bf. she doesnt know what she's missing lol
Jivesliven 24
I get the feeling this comment was posted with the attention of getting attention/approval from males.
kiaora_fml 11
Not necessarily so, I enjoy giving them to my husband as well and I am female. Maybe the OP is concerned about the 'gag' factor, but either way she is selfish, as there are other things she can lick or play with down there. If she receives she should give also, maybe its 'demeaning' for OP to give his girlfriend oral, maybe he should tell her that.
ThatOneDrummer 8
*intention
perdix 31
That doesn't suck!
olpally 33
Selfish bitch. Tell her the exact same thing.
mmm666 16
Selfish people. Just tell her that same for going down on her!
Juneyah1017 9
Look her in the eye, pull down does drawls and say "Bitch! You gon learn today."
Metallica36176 16
Did you make a Kevin Hart reference? Because I approve..
Juneyah1017 9
Yeah I did lol and thank you
GimmeFive 10
"Alright, alright, alriiiight!!"
FrankHotpants 31
There's way too many women out there to settle for anything less then perfect, which is different for everyone but that should include but not limited to the occasional ********.
kurodansei 16
You can take her out to dinner, but I suggest you stop eating out for awhile. But you should seriously have a talk about her hypocritical behavior. And the fact that she didn't just deny you, she kicked you out is a little overboard.
cottoncandymango 17
Maybe you should stop going down on her and see how she feels...
DDCA 24
You are what you eat. And you deserve it for giving into her.
Dusty_Busters 15
Well said.