Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my parents talking about me and discussing how I've never had a boyfriend. My mum laughed that maybe they should pay someone to go out with me, and my dad replied, "Heh, not enough money in the world." FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML
Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML
Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML
Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML
Today, my mum decided that me being bisexual meant that I was "deciding whether or not to be a lesbian" because supposedly, no man will have me. Thanks mum. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
lilhellian 27
Your asshole of a dad got married. Why can't you?
xelle_garfieldx 12
keep your head up hon
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
xelle_garfieldx 12
keep your head up hon
TrueDragons 2
Try getting some confidence and they'll go out with you.
bethers_ 22
Ops clever username is a good start ;)
imaginaryvoice 18
See? There's hope for everyone.
GweedSincE84_fml 15
Yes Op listen to Xelle confidence is key even if you're not the best looking in the room girls know when a guy is confident and they are attracted to that, true it's not the only thing but it does play a huge part in attracting a woman.
MerrikBarbarian 9
This! Confidence is key in attracting someone! Looks are only top priority if you are looking for a one night stand. Personality is what matters in a relationship. Heck personality is the reason I'm someone who identifies as lesbian who is dating a man. I can tell you physical attraction was zero at first because totally wrong gender... But he was so sweet, kind and funny I was able to overcome that. We've been together 4 years.
techweed 12
I fail to see why that's not a good option...
Pesticides 19
I really hope that is sarcasm
Sulkiva 2
You'd be right, you do fail.
DyslexicPanda 12
All of the people that didn't catch 3's sarcasm just thumbed up 12's comment instead. "Ooohhh that WAS sarcasm!" -_-
freesitter 14
Pretty sure they were joking..
lilhellian 27
Your asshole of a dad got married. Why can't you?
Queensland 27
I agree. Unfortunately we live in a very shallow society where people openly admit they wouldn't date someone based on one 'negative' (according to society and media) detail of their appearance. OP probably has this. If this is the case or if not, you'll find someone OP!
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I don't know if their parents feel that way I am willing to bet it's more than just one quality. Maybe op spends all their time online and rarely gets out?
MzZombicidal 36
#34, that doesn't matter. There's someone out there for everyone and OP's dad bashing his hopes won't help with his confidence to go out anymore than he already does (or doesn't).
piff7 14
@34 op is already feeling down as is. Why would you comment something pushing op even further down? Maybe you could try being more sympathetic or nice to people that are upset about something
goose12321 11
Why is everyone babying OP? His dad is probably just frustrated that his son is just always on the computer and never goes out or something, and is just venting, trying to say something that'll motivate OP into changing his ways. OP needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and posting shit on here, man up and go find someone. They're not just going to fall into your lap.
MzZombicidal 36
While I see your point, #61, the fact that OP said "he's probably right" leads me to believe that he's been trying to no avail. I'm not disagreeing with you, I just assumed he had been trying. If, in fact, he hasn't, then I agree with you wholeheartedly.
AngelSpit 18
If that be the case then his dad needs to grow a pair of balls and just outright say he thinks his son needs to change a few personal habits instead of beating around the bush and being a jack ass to boot (ironically though a friend and I were just talking about how it seems that nerdy guys have bigger dicks. we've concluded this is gods way of leveling the playing field)
Jjimen1654 9
Couldnt have said it any better than #61
MadarseLizard 7
No one said they were married?
jw90 18
Have more faith in yourself than thar
jw90 18
That*
NiteShayd 10
I like 'thar' better. It reminds me of a pirate.
xAkonz 10
Does anyone else notice OP's username?
Pesticides 19
cheer babe XD
graceinsheepwear 34
I can't figure out if OP is male or female...is a cheerbabe or wants one...?? what am I missing here?
CharresBarkrey 16
23 - It says OP is a male on my app. The cheerbabe user name is a crack at his dad's suggestion.
graceinsheepwear 34
Thanks 24. I never noticed the symbols until you said that and I thought wait, my app doesn't say that-ooh, wait a minute, yes it does.
CharresBarkrey 16
No worries! I was confused at first too
venus89 17
You'll find someone. They are wondering where you are too
brebabee793 13
you need to be confident and happy with yourself first.. and someone will sweep you off your feet(:
zandalee 20
Ignore bastard parents. Some people, sadly, should have never been allowed to have children. Your parents sound like they fit into that category. Be proud of who u r!
cuppycakeslove 20
They're not really 'unfit' to parent, they're just rude and inconsiderate of OP's feelings.
zeuslovesyaoi 17
so op should have been born in paradox universe where his parents arn't assholes? that's the only way i see this working out for him where his parents from this universe don't have kids but op still survives
nnnope 26
30 - that's some Fringe shit right there
archnarquibquib 21
Probably how your dad started out. Why else would he suggest it?
golden_warrior 23
i guess your mom was the gullible bastard that was online
Capriccio22 13
Wait a sec... Did you just call ops mum a dude?
MzZombicidal 36
The word "bastard" is not limited to men.