Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML
Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
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Top comments
josef_connolly 14
Maybe you should just date pretzels then.
drayloon 50
Don't get all twisted out of shape over it
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Comments (89)
josef_connolly 14
Maybe you should just date pretzels then.
ChenEighty 20
"Oh, Snyders.."
garrett_8614 14
Pretzels are pretty damn sexy if you ask me.
wanted_2_want 40
I'm sure OP's boyfriend won't mind that she finishes soon. Unless of course OP says anything.
orbit 22
If it's those honey mustard and onion pretzels, I understand.
christina3466 17
My dog's name is Pretzel...
sayyestothedress 24
#55 THANK YOU! For having such a important and VERY interesting comment that will be so important to the FML community! You will be remembered for eternity! *she says in a VERY sarcastic tone*
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Wow, #81, that wasn't an overreaction at all. 0.o And the asshat of the day award goes to...
lexiale 10
#81 Like your comment had any meaning?
Mortoli 30
She may be with your dog.
raffcity 7
Maybe that's good that you can climax faster
sayyestothedress 24
Well you can't blame yourself! Pretzels are amazing!
marcus3695 3
yup
tehdarkness 21
Totally. I'm jealous.
DestinyNiya 33
But, food is good.
DogeMan 14
Imagine wat pizza does to people
badluckalex 23
Or in n out!
drayloon 50
Don't get all twisted out of shape over it
mif_fml 27
Are you thinking about hard pretzels? ...or soft pretzels?
DanielleinDC 34
Those curly pretzels or pretzel rods? Because if it's a stick pretzel or rod, I can see how it would help.
TiroC 25
Sex with food gets a whole new meaning!
JMichael 26
Hey if that's what gets you off, I won't judge..*secretly wonders what the hell is wrong with OP*
DraconicFeline 31
Sooo...you say you won't judge, and then immediately proceed to judge?
GentlemanBastard 15
Yeah, I think that's the joke.
BlueFlatts 20
Judging by all the down votes, I don't think it was very funny.
JMichael 26
59 gets it..
notgointoeurope 11
ayee.... pretzels are good though...
Ichiya 29
Pretzels are almost the perfect food though. Just add bacon and then I'd get off on it too.
xx000o 27
Maybe if you ate them while having sex it would give you a bigger, better and faster O, and your boyfriend something to wonder about.
Xeivan 15
Trolling during sex! I love it!!! LOL
Enslaved 38
Sounds twisted!
devildog562 33
Don't be so salty. Maybe it was a pretzel rod!