Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML
Today, it's the third day in a row my roommate has woken me up with blasting music, after keeping me up late listening to him screaming into his Xbox headset. His kids ate the last of my food. I can't even take a shit without one of them barging in. His whole fucking family is a walking condom commercial. FML
Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML
Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
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Top comments
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
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Comments (154)
vikky538 29
time to change the roommate... or lock your room always
drunkmunkey 24
or she should knock the shit out of him for being a creepy little pervert
EchoSerenity 15
Knock his ass to the floor and show him what happens to creeps like him.
PennyLane27 32
....Time to call the police is more like it!! Pretty sure it's a sex offense...............
steftriv 18
I would love to see her try proving that in court
T1A2Z3 35
How is locking the door going to help? They're ROOMmates
MollySheridan 11
Just tell him to stop and if he doesn't then ask him to leave if it bothers you
littleteapot 21
Because the molester will definitely stop if you ask nicely.
darknut79 17
"Molester"
Lil_Red777 21
I'd say he is a molester, he's doing things to her in her sleep without her consent.
RedPillSucks 33
If it bothers you?? Really???
brenton490 19
What ever you do don't fall for the "does this towel smell moldy" trick!!!!....
ashyknees 13
I don't think it bothers.
brendejafulable 41
Better get used to it.
OysterPearls 33
If she doesn't like that, then she shouldn't have to put up with it.
gracehi 33
Oh, it seems you've made a typo. Better *kick him out, report him to the landlord, call the police, change the locks, and get a restraining order so you never have to deal with this bull shit again. There. I fixed it for you. :)
jamnglamgirlie 17
HELL NO!
wanted_2_want 40
#4 IF you had a roommate that put a sausage in your butt while you're sleeping, would you get used to it?!! I doubt it. Unless you're gay, in that case you will get used to it. Maybe maybe not.
interesting33 37
what does being gay have to do with it? It is still unwanted sexual advances.
kyu_Q 19
#36 is a grammar fairy godmother
BubbleGrunge 18
Time to install some personal space rules, OP. As in "my chest is off limits at all times."
Lil_Red777 21
I'm sure she's tried that.
sayyestothedress 24
Time to buy a security system...for your room
saucyrossi 18
You should taco bout it with him
devildog562 33
They can taco about it as long as he's not jalapeño your face.
Crossing 17
Or in ops case jalapeno boobies.
dubb420 15
that's nacho business.
113421145311564 14
Out, all of you. Get out. PUNS ARE BANNED
ahippienamedrae 10
51, puns are life
enddmd 27
51, Puns are love.
Reaper350 7
You guys are so punny
devildog562 33
As creepy as it is, I can't say that it doesn't sound delicious. He should hook up with the pretzel girl !
Crossbowe 13
ahaha
igive 29
Pretzel girl has a boyfriend.
ApologyKick 25
Breakfast in bed? How sweet of him.
blackbeltpsycho 16
*Breastfast in bed
devildog562 33
Breast burrito ever !
somewizdom 15
Try sleeping with your clothes on for once.
Astrum14 24
There's no reason to think she wasn't wearing clothes, and there's no reason why she shouldn't be able to sleep without clothes if she doesn't want to.
Lil_Red777 21
Even if she was naked, what right does that give him to touch her inappropriately???
katt_is_here 24
So, wait...if she is in her own room sleeping naked, that gives creepo the right to do things to her body? Please never ever breed and stay the hell away from all women always.
devildog562 33
Whoooa don't push him towards men....
RedPillSucks 33
Yeah. There aren't too many places to put burritos on a guy.
katt_is_here 24
Good point, devildog. Allow me to rephrase. #10, stay the hell away from all humans and animals if you think it's okay to do something to a person without their permission when he/she is asleep.
crushcrusher 33
That's disturbing.
Brandi_Faith 34
I may get down voted here, but I think there are a few options here. 1, they're really close friends that just moved in together and play pranks on each other all the time and this doesn't bother her as much as we assume. 2, they're friends, possibly do pranks on each other, and this does bother her. And the scariest... 3, this is a new roommate that she either didn't know or didn't know well and he's just being a total creeper in which case she should absolutely run. I do think there is a chance of this being #1 though because I just find it hard to believe, and find it really scary, that some creeper just does this without being best friends and in a prank war!
newzealand 28
It is disturbing, but it still makes me hungry.
rapunzel3416 28
My roommate would "sneak" guys into our room while I was sleeping then have them leave before I woke up. She really thought I'd never notice.
skatoolaki 24
And that's comparable how?
rapunzel3416 28
Both bad roommates
rambleramble3 11
Definitely not comparable still haha