Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML
Real funny
Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease." FML
Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML
Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML
Genius
Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today, but he had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can see if he can go back. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
Today, my brother has two broken arms and needs help wiping his own ass. Bonus, he has bad diarrhoea from the food poisoning he got from the shrimp he made me hand-feed him yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML
Top comments
gracehi 33
Your brother is a moron.
ilovemsminaj 13
You should tell him that the disease literally makes your blood boil. Probably one of the most painful ways to die
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Comments (103)
gracehi 33
Your brother is a moron.
Jreslier 15
Not necessarily, he has a point.
gracehi 33
No. No he doesn't. If he was talking about any other deadly disease, everyone would say he is a moron. Just because there's media hype about a disease, doesn't mean it's desirable to have.
Ichiya 29
Im not sure but only a moron would want their internal organs turned to liquid and have them seep out of their orifices.
ChristianH39 30
18 he's making the rather overconfident assumption that he'd both survive it not have permanent organ damage afterwards.
hit9876 2
How about he's a moron with a point? He does kind of have a point. but Ebola is kind of a steep trade for good college papers...
ACMgaming 4
While I agree with #1, he technically isn't wrong for saying he will be famous. Maybe just not the way he expects.
sacrosanct2 23
he has a point.
addictedtoIASIP 14
Even if he got Ebola he would have a small chance of surviving and no college would accept him.
sayyestothedress 24
I agree with 31. 90% of the people in Africa get infected and 60% of then die! That's a lot! So her brother only has 30% chance of living (if he had Ebola) out of 100%!
drivingmissdaisy 13
@31 okay colleges can't discriminate against people who have had diseases and not let them in for that reason (unless they still have them). If ebola doesn't kill them them, then it should be out of their system after 1-3 months. As of September 2014, the average mortality rate among those infected is 50%. Now all that said I still wouldn't want the disease though that's ridiculous.
marcus3695 3
40%
sacrosanct2 23
no one on this website has a sense of humour. wow
stargirl_95 24
And also no, 90% of people in Africa have not been infected. Ebola is only in five or six of the 53 African countries and in the countries they are in the majority of the population has not been infected. I think that either Nigeria or Senegal only reported one case.
TurquoiseJesus 15
@36, the amount of people it kills in africa isnt particularly a relevant number to use in this case (aside from as an upper bound). Many people over there have a strong distrust of western medicine, or are generally just morons, resulting in a much higher fatality rate than it should be.
stephypop 13
The first person in the United States to get it died quicker than some of the patients in Africa. With those "western medicines" to fight it. They haven't figured out anything much to help patients with Ebola yet.
HannibalL3cter 5
If 60% of all people die it would makr for a 40% survival rate....?
ChristianH39 30
There are 5 different strains whose mortality rates vary between 25% and 90%. The current outbreak is the Zaire strain with a 90% mortality rate.
orbit 22
#31 To me, it sounds like he is already in college.
thebigtwinkie 28
48, we have a nigerian english teacher and he told us that ebola is oficially extinct in nigeria
Futacy 30
31- Well technically the death rate for this particular outbreak in West Africa is 50%, and for the Americans who have been so unlucky as to contract it, they've all survived because of that experimental drug ZMapp, so there's no question that OP's brother would live. And he can't be turned down from his school just because of his medical history. He can be turned down because he's a dumbass though.
addictedtoIASIP 14
#37 sorry I wasn't clear enough, considering there are no cures and very little chance of survival he wouldn't get into college
addictedtoIASIP 14
Are you dumb #73, the first guy to bring it back died. Obviously if there was a such drug they would've used it.
Futacy 30
76- Where have you been all this time, under a rock? ZMapp is what saved the lives of the first two ebola patients flown to the US, and so far it's had a 100% success rate. They're going to be doing trials for it in West Africa this coming January. Spend two minutes on Google instead of calling me an idiot and making yourself look stupid.
brivielle 15
#49 you are even more of a moron than OP's brother. Africans support Western medicine. We have Med schools even.
Pinwheel 10
Not everybody who received the treatment survived. A handful of survivors are hardly enough to say that there is no question about someone surviving it with the treatment.
dragonkisses28 25
#50 First, he was not the first person in America to catch Ebola. He came from Africa. He brought it with him. Second, it was one of the nurses who treated him, Nina Pham, who was the first person to catch it in America. I'm sure she's ecstatic about it. Third, that poor guy would probably still have died if he stayed in Africa and had no treatment, only he would have most likely died at home and infected whatever family or friends took care of him. Nina Pham's condition has been upgraded to good.
adjoasaa 4
Nigeria has been declared Ebola free because the disease was caught early. 20 reported cases and only 8 deaths. Senegal has reported just one case. Currently the only countries that have it is Liberia, Guinea and Sierra Leone.
knoxxx 22
37 - Whether colleges can reject students based on medical history or not, the stigma of having Ebola has ruined many survivors' lives. A lot of them have lost their jobs or their businesses have been ruined because customers won't return. And on top of that, survivors describe feeling like social pariahs. It isn't right, but the stigma is very real and I'm sure if he got the disease and survived, the aftermath would be an all-around unpleasant experience.
ilovemsminaj 13
You should tell him that the disease literally makes your blood boil. Probably one of the most painful ways to die
adamzki1999 16
That would make him hot and sexy though.
fappypinguin 6
You have to be an idiot to want to live through anything like Ebola, it's not one that you quickly "get over" and saying that it's "hot" is stupid. makes me feel bad for living in the USA.
thief1434 23
The meaning of sarcasm is lost upon you I see.
littlekellilee 45
20 to be fair, the USA probably isn't happy having you live in it either.
HannibalL3cter 5
That's not at all literally -.-
DanielleinDC 34
That's maybe one dipshit who wants Ebola. Most people are wetting their pants in terror, even though they're far more likely to die of heart disease, stroke, or cancer. OP, I'm sorry, but your brother is too dumb to go to college.
felipe2342 18
It *figuratively* makes your blood boil.
thefmlman2011 37
Holy wow... How did he get onto college again?
jerryj 27
*cow *into
thefmlman2011 37
it was meant to be "holy wow" and thanks for correcting me.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Grotesque cow.
Futacy 30
A college essay is what get's you into college, so I'm guessing OP's brother is a senior in high school, and not going to college anytime soon.
sohigh10 34
Has he been informed about the whole ' blood out of every orifice' thing?
Sandman366 6
It would certainly be a good way to get him to realize that sometimes, ideas you come up with shouldn't be said aloud, thought about seriously, and definitely not followed through with. Like going "Hey guy! Shoot me!"
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wow your brother is dumb.
josef_connolly 14
Okay how old is this kid
MondRubberduck 24
Well... cant argue with this statement.
TiiBags 15
Well that's a 50/50 chance of him getting into college... as well as him surviving...
Lily_Rain77 25
no his chances of are more like 80/20 against both survival and college
GamerG0DDESS 29
I realize that Ebola is dangerous, but I believe people are being a tad ridiculous about the whole thing. It's H1N1 again or whatever. People die from AIDS every day, people still don't wear condemns or go to such drastic measures as they do with something that just now showed up and have taken a couple of lives. I remember when H1N1 was the "big killer" and I got influenza type A. Type A kills millions. I was on my dying bed and people were freaking out, the school shut down because word of my flu got out and everyone thought "H1N1! I'm next, I knew her, I'm going to die!" I just wish people would open their eyes and see that there are dangerous things all around us, having one more deadly killer among the millions isn't something to buy a special immunity suit for.
gracehi 33
I don't think it's so much the likelihood of catching Ebola that frightens people, but the swift and horrifying way it kills you. It kills you just two weeks after your symptoms present because you bleed to death because your organs are imploding. It's like cholera, except instead of dying of dehydration because fluid is flowing out of your anus and mouth, you die of blood loss, because blood is flowing out of every single hole in your body.
blackman303 11
Not to mention the fact, there is ways of controlling aids, but not yet a way to stop or control Ebola which is rapidly spreading
howsthisforaname 34
I caught that too. In England it was an epidemic, ten percent of the population got sick at the same time. It was a month of chaos. Schools closed because too many teachers were sick or combined classes because there weren't enough kids. The death rate was no higher that any other type of flu, what made it a problem was that is was more contagious. Almost everyone who died was already sick or very old, I think there were 3 healthy people who died.
Lily_Rain77 25
the problem is that its dangerous and people are so tightly packed and we cant make everyone stay home when theyre sick or get vaccinated or even wash their hands. so much of us not getting sick isn't even in our control.
GamerG0DDESS 29
I will apologize now, I tend to write a great deal and so this shall be similarly long to my previous post. I understand what you're saying, I appreciate the way in which you view everyone's reaction. To make myself a little more clear as to what I meant by my comment, I wish to state that AIDS was an example. The entire first portion was more so my thoughts upon the matter (of which should have stayed my own), it was the last portion I was more so aiming for people to look at. There are thousands of horrid diseases and illnesses that people should be fearful of in addition to the Ebola outbreak. Yes, Ebola is grotesque in nature of how it kills, but is it the most excruciating? Sure, to some. Is it beyond all else in the horrifying factor? Sure, to some. But the fact stands is that in a short time there will be a way to "control" Ebola, as there is for everything else; but also that there already are a few ways to prevent its spread to oneself. If I'm correct in my research, someone cannot get Ebola without coming into contact with certain individuals and bodily fluids. Caution is needed, just like anything else. You don't need a suit to protect you as much as just being a smart and careful individual. One doesn't need to over react as much as a lot of people are doing. It, and I say this as personal opinion and maybe it is in a somewhat biased state, isn't the only thing that kills people. All around us are terrible things. Parasites, bacteria, viruses, etcetera. Anyways, that's what I meant with all I said. I suppose I said some things out of slight annoyance towards how society runs. You cannot deny the idea that when something is presented to the public and death occurs from a certain illness that a good many individuals have a tendency to overreact it's potential. There is a hoax about zombies that came to pass due to this contingency! It's very hard to convince me that this hoax/fabrication isn't overreacting a little bit. I understand a rising fear for individuals in near locations, but those across a greater distance shouldn't be acting in a way that is hazardous to other (by this I mean people get frightened into the flight/fight state and may end up trampling others to get out/in certain places or doing some other means of "protecting themselves" which may lead to the accidental harm of others).
2i1337i2iscore 13
Ebola is the great white whale of viruses. Comparing it to H1n1 is laudable. I understand what you mean about people overreacting, but if there was ever a virus to overreact too, it's this one. It's NOT just transferred through saliva or sweat( no idea why people don't look at google peer review journals before the hype). 2012 study showed how it passed from different species, in separate cages, that all shared one central ventilation system. It's not "airborne" in the literal definition though. And it's not the way it can transfer, or what it does to your body, that is scary. It's the fact that the incubation rate for this strand is long. Usually the virus wiped out a village because it would kill everyone in a week. So it never traveled far before it burnt out. And we may find a way to "control" Ebola, but it mutates a lot... Even our antibiotics, for what we consider simple illnesses, are becoming resistant or even immune. CDC has been raging about the overuse of antibiotics for years. So while you make valid points about society's reaction and mob fear mentality, this is not the virus to try and downplay.