Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
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Top comments
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."
jdm_powered 6
Like a sir.
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Comments (107)
hobosapien081 10
Well then maybe you should **** him instead, or maybe just tease the shit out of him until he ***** you ;)
rockstar362 8
The **** you sayin?
cylus13 9
One would think they would know there partner well enough to now if the word **** would bother them if they knew each other well enough to make love to them.
_krystallynn_ 11
i think he was kidding lol
gman90210 18
They weren't making love they were just *******
DanielleinDC 34
Maybe she was trying out something new and didn't know that her boyfriend doesn't like dirty talk. Either way, part of me wants to give him credit for having the presence of mind to formulate an objection, while the other part of me would suggest this is when you put on your clothes, go home, and find your battery-operated boyfriend.
mtlfenix 7
As my good friend Homer would say: BoOoOoring
KaiserSD 8
Sorry OP, but get ready for a sexless relationship down the road. This guy sounds like a total prude, FYL OP.
Sinkhole 26
A sexless relationship? Just because he doesn't like that word, it doesn't mean he's a complete prude... especially considering that they were about to have sex.
nightskye 4
I'm pretty sure if they're already fooling around in bed, he's not much of a prude.
KaiserSD 8
Trust me, I know a prude when I see one, and any man that DOESN'T like dirty talk, even just a little bit, is a prude.
Paris25_fml 11
Completely false.
cmayer 20
Or maybe, 150, they just feel stupid doing it?
emilyjgraham 34
Woah, that's a huge assumption to make. Also rather sexist. I can understand why he wouldn't want to hear it if he didn't like the word. I absolutely despise the C word and if my boyfriend used it during sex (some people do) I can guarantee I'd ask him not to say it. Everyone is different, you can't say he's a prude just because his likes vary from other 'manly men who love dirty talk'.
john_gemini91 6
Awkward..
mandadarling 10
If it isn't rough it isn't fun!!
KBro0410642 4
Um what?
EpicSquishii 21
LOL I love this. My boyfriend is incredibly proper and gentlemanly, so the first time he said anything dirty during foreplay (like: "I'm going to **** you so hard) I paused and then laughed my ass off
Laurenlou 24
That's hilarious! If my boyfriend said anything like that I'd probably laugh as well! I think OP's man may have been joking. And if not, OP should have probably known that he's not okay with that word.
ShyAnn29 15
I don't see how this is a FML
verkaderk 9
Watch your language young lady
naturalbadassnba 11
Lame. -_- he needs to have some fun.