Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
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Top comments
thatonetree 9
That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him
ABillOnFire 15
it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet
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Comments (146)
thatonetree 9
That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him
tjv3 10
Yeah that is pretty impressive
Riku714 25
I have to agree, that's a pretty amazing skill
shaww 28
Except when the baby wakes up from the yelling
whiteboy896 9
Give it "it"?
MileyC 2
absolutely not. this is divorce worthy. that's is SO unsanitary of her husband. Op you should reconsider your marriage
Welshite 40
Hey, Miley, don't you have a foam finger to violate? Go take your idiotic ramblings somewhere else.
Pwn17 25
38- Right, and that also gives us the freedom to criticize her. It was a stupid comment.
SarMarJo 17
#33, I'm sure his penis has been in other places. IN.
ChevyRedneck85 13
How'd he do that?
Ch_rae5 19
Wouldn't that kinda hurt?
Gurami 8
Hihihi
obnum 19
Has no use, but yeah, pretty good skill. How'd he do it?
camsterjoe 12
What I want to know is 'soft or hard?'
Chris93Jones 20
I don't know why, but I am wondering more details, soft or hard? head or on the hole?
sonuskos 6
He's gonna be the first man to spin on his 'head'.
dingleberrysteve 6
Wait, what kinda top? Wouldn'it hurt if if goes into the hole?
Aky0n 10
Today, i posted an fml post about my husband getting excited over spinning a top on his penis. All the comments approved, fml.
TheNewGuy03 29
He's a ******** b-boy. Shit, he might be able to do **** push-ups, too.
skuester 4
It's the balls that hurt
Cheeley 17
Well OP, that is pretty impressive.
Damian95 16
I'm surprised OP didn't blow her top off! Anyone? Ok...
Ch_rae5 19
is it just me or does his profile pic match his comment perfectly?
ilytyvm 25
Lmfao. it does. I was thinking that.
zuixdoll504 4
what a keeper.good job op
blinked_281 29
I really want to see how he's doing this
gabbi630 16
Pic or it didn't happened.
ABillOnFire 15
it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet
FiFiLovee 26
This is why aliens won't talk to us...
QuantumLife 12
Hey! Don't knock it. I'd love for my boyfriend to tell me that!
Allennis44 16
It IS pretty impressive
Grayness_ 26
I'm sorry but that's pretty impressive haha.
SilverInGray 25
It sounds kind of painful to me.
TylerAnderson98 10
He's a keeper.
evan_7899 28
He is the definition of a keeper
Nyx_fml 23
It sounds like your husband definitely likes to have fun in the bedroom.
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
YouTube that shit. Or YouPorn. I bet someone, somewhere is into that.
Grayness_ 26
YouPorn ? Haha Talking from experience or?...
jc981987 7
The fact that you know what youporn is is kind of hot :P
JustKittyKat 24
Hm... The "only" kitty Kat, hm?
JustKittyKat 24
Well I thought I was funny. I even imagined the epic, "There can only be one!"
MEM0817 18
Ahhh. Men. They never fully grow up. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes, not so much.
AmexBlack 24
Ahhh. Women. They never shut up. Sometimes they moan. Sometimes they nag.
addioty 19
Generalization. . . *sigh*
steffidallasbfl 16
It's funny. Not immature. Dang.
Enslaved 38
Woohoo time to break out the basketball!
DKjazz 20
*Whistles "Sweet Georgia Brown"*
Enslaved 38
Harlem Globetrotter's theme! Haha (:
DKjazz 20
Not everybody knows that's the name of the tune, I guess.