Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
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Top comments
thatonetree 9
That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him
ABillOnFire 15
it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet
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Comments (146)
Tessa_11 19
Hahhaha that's awesome.
jwa2000 3
You can't top that!
honeymoonroyale 20
Lol mad props to dude, though.
perdix 31
There is something wrong with your newborn daughter: she'll never get to see that awesome trick. And if she does, yuck!
nickmen 3
That's actually pretty impressive
jrock9093 18
Okay impressive
conqueror57 11
How many men of FML went out and bought a top today??
junkman6 22
I have to ask. Am I the only guy on here that is contemplating trying this? I am? Ok I'll stop now.
mustabee 5
word of advice, whatever u do, DONT. WATCH. WRESTLING or any kungfu movie for that matter!
Tijenai 5
...Oooowwwww.
Cazz91 21
Am I the only one mildly curious if the husband may make a video to show off? I admit, I would watch it. I wouldn't believe it until I saw it. For some reason I can see that possibly turning into a **** flick.