Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
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Top comments
thatonetree 9
That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him
ABillOnFire 15
it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet
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Comments (146)
thatkid00117 16
All false emergencies aside, you gotta give credit where credit is due
buckdharma 38
Today it's a top, tonight it might be you.
LittleBastard 20
I don't think so, cause they're married with a newborn. Most importantly, they're married.
AshesNicole623 17
63 - you're an idiot.
Enslaved 38
"Most importantly, they're married"? Strange comment from someone named "LittleBastard" lol
jamnglamgirlie 17
I don't know why that makes me nervous.
graceinsheepwear 34
Well, the stereotype is that men think everything revolves around their dicks. Maybe this was his interpretation of being on top of the world.
jw90 18
That's an amazing skill. I gotta hand that to him.
starfish7 18
He knows what's important in life ;)
utrax 23
Damn, I would also be proud if I managed to do that.
AK2559 7
My husband thinks that's amazing.
DedicatedNova 13
I wish I could do that. Sounds like a good pastime.
unlucky_04 10
Whoa! OP's hubby is a seriously creative guy. I mean, "spinning a top on the tip of his penis". Full marks for originality. Too bad all the creativity is balanced finely on the tip! ;)