Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
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Top comments
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
That man is boss!
monkeysareyummy 0
New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?
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Comments (312)
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
That man is boss!
Nebulas_n_Novas 7
WINNING
StoryOfTheYear 15
That's a pretty well-trained ****.
xcarxcrashx 9
I'm pretty impressed.
chillyCholo 5
I wonder what he can do w/ his pubes
Buttsexpirate 9
He'll go far in life!
YtotsDI 0
#54 You're my hero. :)
margie2194 12
I feel like this FML seems somewhat familiar. I've read something like that before.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Guys, guess what I typed this sentence with!! My Thumb... Pervert
ThatLooksSticky 16
#54, there's no need for any other comments. Thanks!
aceman1992 9
42- Why? Why, the hell would you wanna know that?
Mr_Trollsome 1
He'd probably have to have a small penis to pull that off.
changesinme 0
Ever wondered why he used YOUR phone to demonstrate it?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Typing with a penis? **** that. Try typing with a ******. Now that's talent.
SirObvious 1
WHAT A DICK!:)
jordnlyn 6
That's intense
meanmachine511 0
Got shot in the knee... Haha Skyrim
herpyderpy123 0
LMFAO! It's arrow in the knee .-.
rick159 12
Yep!......no matter how well you please a woman....you can never please a woman
bibbster18 11
Only in Texas.
hubla 0
His dick must not be very big to not smash like 5 letters at the same time
Troll_spray 6
What, dont tell me you guys never texted with your penis before??? D=
kona314 1
I typed this on my phone with my erect penis... Nothing special...
DQEight 8
42-- Get them braided?
Sibizien26 5
LIKE A BOSS
DoubleDose 0
This reminds me of the girl who texts with her erect nipples
badluckbrian7 0
Weird but impressive
ianbeef 11
I wouldn't touch that phone anymore
ianbeef 11
True still it's gross
desireev 18
Why not? It's been all over her body. Why not her phone?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Why not her toothbrush as well?
sexxxysydney 14
I'm pretty sure she's had his penis on worse places on her, or at least I hope, since they're married. A phone is no big deal.
Steve95401 49
What a dick!
shadystyle 6
its probably been in her mouth. so on her phone and ultimately in her hand is no big deal
rohanmo 9
How old r u kid?
dsbs 9
A. Hole, please report to the bedroom
bebohacker1 4
185- bringing other fml's into this one, i like... Haha.
shinshoku13 19
Rohanmo how ******* old are YOU!? You look like your twelve bud :/
monkeysareyummy 0
New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?
detective_oreo 0
I was gonna say that!
bearnblue 0
Can you imagine..."and next up a man who really knows how to use his penis!"
maz255 10
Erectxting..
Anubyte 0
I believe this is what you call sexting
skullcandifiedDJ 5
Takes years of training...
causticgirl 6
Lucky girl
kona314 1
I type this with my penis... I'll compete against him
Stark27 0
It's actually pretty easy, see?
farnsworth 3
I wouldn't be able to do that I'd keep mashing the buttons
farnsworth 3
Oh I'm on the farnsworth account I probably put a dirty picture in all ur minds xD
Rei_Ayanami 18
I don't want to live anymore...
tinydanzr 6
Well I guess her husband is a talented man.
jacquesromualdez 12
He's playing "Angry Birds"
benderbot19 0
Shut up, farnsworth!
nativepimp 1
I've tried this before.. It kind of worked had to press kind of hard though
holeyman 8
If only you knew what I typed this comment with.....
bgaustad 0
Ha yeh right you got a tiny penis
dasteve 0
Now he's always with you.
IhateMahLife16 0
What a talented man.
thisisafunnyname 12
skillz dat killz
pfx2_fml 15
A skill every man needs to master..
Ohmie 5
And your point is...? I do that all the time!
StoryOfTheYear 15
That makes two people.
HappyJello 7
Uh... You didn't need to say that... But good job...?
cherrysizzle1 0
Man is that the only thing u use it for?!
afulks78 11
What a champ:)
AeroChic777 4
That's not too "hard" to do. eh? eh?? No? okay. :(
YtotsDI 0
I appreciate your ability to tell one bad comment from another. Good on you