Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
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Top comments
thatonetree 9
That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him
ABillOnFire 15
it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet
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Comments (146)
alienator_fml 4
Well, that makes 2 things on his dick within the last year.
Dusty_Busters 15
That is actually pretty cool
emuexport 4
That must have taken a lot of practice :):):), be proud
ethanman82 8
i guess you could say that he's (puts on sunglasses) one twisted dick. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!
niftyismybitch 21
I see the next president of the USA...
buckdharma 38
#46- Tricky Dicky.
lightflo 5
Sounds like the opposite of an fml to me. Wouldn't you be happy that something terrible didn't happen to your newborn?
brittanyrose329 17
This made my day.
vikky538 29
that's one of a kind skill set...
Yolandababy2 14
But what I would like to know is what gave him the thought "hmmm I wonder if I could spin the top on my penis" the. Grabs top and starts experimenting. Lmao. That's funny
JokersHQ 21
You have to admit that is pretty impressive. Albeit stupid, but impressive nonetheless.