Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
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Top comments
jimmyweee 0
Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.
BlackWolfVII 0
Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*
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Comments (217)
ad_infinitum 0
Hands. They're pretty useful.
imhawaiian 0
"Bitch get the **** out"
Bunneh18 0
You're stupid.
kitty911 0
Lol i have done that before ; try 69 while putting on a condam and being entertained with sex toys = hottt
asshole825 0
this is for #35 - callyn The words "sentence" and "post" should be separated with a semicolon in order to avoid a run-on. Also, in your following sentence, "where" is used inappropriately - the english language is not a place. "in which" is what you were looking for. English is one of the languages where grammar matters. You are a typical bastard&moron.
fuckmeamiright 0
i'm really glad there are other people on here that thought #15 was as funny as i did
erinfairy 0
are you like, stupid?
MrFail_fml 0
better luck next time!
Brinya 0
I'm with 116 ... I'm a woman who'd honestly like to learn that trick. The trouble is that it sounds like a GREAT way to asphyxiate yourself, this story being exhibit A in that case. Seriously, it's like letting a kid chew on a balloon. Just not wise. And now I'll never work up the guts to try it because this FML will be running through my head!
CPTobvious_fml 0
Folks, we almost witnessed Darwin's theory of natural selection in action