Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
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Top comments
jimmyweee 0
Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.
BlackWolfVII 0
Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*
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Comments (217)
liorasaurx3 0
#58 made my day.
YDIdouche 0
Agree with #135, this was Darwin's FML.
dew_fml 0
So much for safe sex....
tides_fml 0
lol god you people are retarded one if you do it right it's completely safe. i don't know about you but i don't tend to chew on a dick when i'm giving head. ie. you don't even use your teeth at all. secondly, you can actually catch stds from oral sex. the odds are far lower than through vaginal/anal penetration but the risk is still there. why the hell do you think they make flavoured condoms in the first place? so your ass will taste like strawberries after? that said, obviously she didn't do it right.
melxox 0
Fail.
crvenazvezda 0
YDI.... haha fail
x3t4 0
wow, FML!!
kitteh 0
Condoms suck. Get the pill (Y)
waxstigmata 0
58: i hope your kidding, or youre a moron i hope the condom wasn't lubricated, those taste awful!
patray_angel 0
I am a blonde and I have successfully put a condom on my boyfriend....now husband. I wouldn't want to do it again though, because regular condoms definitely don't taste all that great and there would be no point in getting the flavored ones if the plan was to have sex in the first place. To the OP, I hope your boyfriend is understanding and at least appreciated the effort. I am also not certain what you freaked out about, unless you were concerned you were going to bite him or swallow/choke on the condom like you ended up doing. I would practice with a few bananas or something else similar in shape before trying that again.