Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
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Top comments
jimmyweee 0
Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.
BlackWolfVII 0
Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*
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Comments (217)
SituationMan 0
For everyone who says she should have been using her hands to put on the condom, how do you know she HAS hands. What if she only has one finger that she can use to type this FML, but as far as condoms are concerned, she is forced to have to use her mouth! Moreover, it's completely reasonable that she might have freaked out. What if she has some kind of safe-sex anxiety disorder! I feel bad for you...
sweetenday 0
eww do you know how many germs there is on condoms?
NoodleBurger 0
nice. was it flavoured?
Phallus_fml 0
I guess it was your first time seeing and touching a dick too. Sex For Dummies®
AntiChrist7 0
just use your hand, he is turned on already enough. YDI
spacebarry 0
This one defs isnt bullshit. my ex did it once. It is the little things in life that bring me pleasure :)
amatthew_03 0
What I want to know is why you freaked out. Seriously, what about this situation would cause you to freak out? Completely illegitimate reason and inappropriate situation for a freakout, if you're not mature enough to handle a sexual situation without freaking out, then you shouldn't be involved in it in the first place.
isantorin 0
lol @ 7. I came here to comment what #100 just did. XD Really, if you decide to do something like that, what about it would freak you out?! You made that decision.
that_guy_you_are 0
To #15: Abstinence is just an excuse that fugly people make for themselves. Nobody's abstinent by choice.
hahayou12345 0
D: Sucks for you. Practice makes perfect.