Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML
Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, after encouraging my cat to try his new cat bed all day with no success, I attempted to gently place him in it. Instead, he managed to fear-spray me in the face. Like a skunk. I didn't even know cats could do that. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
pandabrr 12
Do the same when he's sleeping.
DocBastard 40
Your dad isn't the only one who thinks it's funny. *adds this to List Of Things To Do To My Children When They Become Teenagers And Piss Me Off*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
pandabrr 12
Do the same when he's sleeping.
Ambient25 25
That cat is like: "I came, I saw, I snorted that shit all over your daughter"
zomgbies 17
Aye, do the same to dad. And sprinkle it on his twig and berries
RoboCunnilingus 23
Your dad is Jigsaw.
Lioness8197 18
Might sound dumb, but did it claw at you? I know some cats are flat out vicious but one of my cats just nuzzles it's food. Dumb question, but I'm curious.
GrantEvans 14
As long as it is your cat you should be fine with it, my old cat never soent time with me amd i wouldve appreciated anything like that...even in that way
TunaFireStarter 16
Even if it clawed the crap out of you? I highly doubt most people would consider being scratched spending quality time with their cat ...
ItsMeDiegoG 8
Look on the bright side OP, you got a nice lick wash.
iAlissa 34
Or it flipped the **** out and scratched OP up.
deathstroke990 22
that must've been a CATastrophe anyone?? no... okay ill let myself out
LittleBastard 20
No, no.. I will escort you out myself, like a sir.
Grayness_ 26
Please do.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Did you just say...like a sir??? Allow me...
lisaroxmysoxx 16
My aunt used to wake me up by putting droplets of water in my ear, yours is worse.
DocBastard 40
Your dad isn't the only one who thinks it's funny. *adds this to List Of Things To Do To My Children When They Become Teenagers And Piss Me Off*
evilplatypus 39
I agree 100% Doc. This dad sounds like an evil genius. A hilariously evil genius.
FimogenFeels 14
FYL! Get him back!
worldclassrager 41
I need to try that with my roommate...that's a killer prank.... I sure hope the cat was declawed...
FrietvanPiet 16
yay declaw discussion!
kieralumina 30
never declaw your cat. just clip their nails like you clip your own. declawing is basically chopping off a knuckle, and then having to walk on them