Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
RustedMetal 0
lmfao i know right ..
popoman 0
Yeah, a dingleberry is a small, dried clump of shit that's hanging onto one of your ass hairs because you couldn't be bothered to wipe properly or take a ******* shower. Either way, you didn't deserve that. You told the truth, and you were punished for it. She should have taken it for the compliment it was, not punished you for honesty. Now you're motivated to lie to her when she complains about stuff that's her fault anyway (being a fatass).
The_Pleb 0
Big girls you are beautiful I wondered where all my sammiches went MIKA
alexandraa_fml 0
A girl talking about her weight is a no win situation.
mcdys 0
tell her to make you a sandwich and to not eat it. problem fixed
justmeagirl 0
I'm sure you were trying to lighten the mood and tell her how attractive you think she is... but that's not the time to objectify a girl! (not that it's ever appropriate to objectify a girl, but that's an especially BAD moment). Sorry she got violent, though! eesh.
King17 0
YDI for using "Dingleberries" unless she actually did throw the lamp at your dingleberries please, be mature and use the proper term.
SuckMyVote 0
the **** they are. NO FAT CHICKS!
hotpotatocold 0
dingleberries?
Mx718 0
LOL. MOAR CUSHON 4 TEH PUSHIN.
anonymous45610 0
what he hell is your problem!?
jonnyplayzaguita 0
yeeesss LOL
yayax0 0
lmao! dingleberries!! lmao! oh and ydi!!
talbot008 0
dingleberried?? what are, u 3
esfox83 17
aren't dingleberrys pieces of shit on the hair of your ass?
pwettyBunny 9
You shouldn't have said that, but she overreacted, though.
escualida 0
you're an idiot
YayAmerica 0
Third. (not third comment, but... oh never mind.) Yesterday I was looking at pictures from a girl from high school's facebook. I asked my husband if I was fatter than she or about the same size. He said "You're small than she is." It was a DAMNEDABLE lie, but definately the right answer.
ItCouldBeWorse49 0
i agree...why would you think that was the right answer? you might as well have said "yes"
ChocolateScyther 19
you had good intentions op, but yeah, you're an idiot
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
flipflipflipidel 0
ya me 2
dancingaf 0
it is, this guy is just dumb.
IanMoone3611 12
Bowl movement? Don't u mean bowel?
effyoubitch 5
Don't tell me you've never had a bowl movement!! Oh ****!
I_am_stupid_also 6
You are dating a fat psycho. Lucky you.
LatinoHeat 0
She threw the lamp at you because she was angry that you didn't look more like Clay Aiken. The insults were the icing on the cake.
OPISDUMB 0
Shut the **** up, the OP was trying to lighten the situation. Would you have preffered it if he called her a fat cow and told her to "go eat mcdonalds fatty"?
Beans_fml 0
No, it's the: "It's not my fault, it's everyone else" mentality that causes eating disorders. People need to learn self-respect and self-worth before they expect everyone else to give it to them.
alexandraa_fml 0
The next girl that fishes for compliments by exclaiming how fat she is recieves a swift punch to the throat.
alexandraa_fml 0
Lets!!
alexandraa_fml 0
LOL @ my last comment getting buried. Wahh Wahh Wahh
Needlestick 0
I agree, neither are what contributes to eating disorders. The majority of people with anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and other eating disorders have been sexually abused and/or assaulted. Rape is the number one cause. It has nothing to do with fashion, media, someone randomly calling you fat or any of that crap. It isn't about looking good or sexy either, it is actually often the opposite. I can't stand all of the myths and stereotypes people make about eating disorders, they don't know shit unless they are a professional specializing in them, or unless they have suffered from one themselves. (and a real one, not just someone crash dieting/emulating the symptoms and calling it "anorexia.") To the OP: You should have been more sensitive about her weight issue, though. Although what you said may be how you feel, it's not the best thing to throw at your girl. She shouldn't have thrown anything at you, either. If it's actually true she threw a lamp at you over your comment, she should be seeking some help for her emotional troubles...
Needlestick 0
My reply was to Chelss24's comment, and the two above, by the way.
micaelareppucci 6
No offense 152, but sometimes it does start because someone called you fat. In my case I was told I was so fat I should kill myself. It is different for every one, so don't be so quick to judge.
HannahtheRunner 0
Being raped isn't the only cause of eating disorders.. I suffered from anorexia which came from an extremely low self esteem and severe depression
LetMeSeeASmile 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You're an idiot. Enough Said. You dont say that to a girl, it makes you seem like a player AND it just ADDS to her feeling self conscious. Its guys like you that cause eating disorders
TheButler 0
fun bags, Baby makers, The twins and the crown jewels :) lets wait for more to come out :D IF U CAN THINK OF ANY MORE ADD EM!
chinCHILLaOUT 0
ding dongs
8trickster8 0
jibly bits
JukeboxBunny 0
Man parts. =P
Pmm368 5
meat and two veggies
perdix 31
Clay Aiken's dingleberries (poop balls) are lovingly harvested by a team of master jewelers where they are flown to New York and set into rings by Harry Winston. Clay Aiken dingleberry rings are taking over the shelf space once occupied by 5+ carat diamond rings.
TheLoneWolf87 4
acorns ; allsbay ; apricots ; baby-makers; back-wheels ; bags ; balkans; ballocks ; balls ; bangers ; bangles ; bannocks ; baubles (bawbles); bean-pods ; Beecham's-pills ; berries ; billiards ; bird's-eggs ; bobblers; bobbles ; bonbons ; booboos ; bubus; bullets ; bum-balls ; charleys ; charlies ; chestnuts ; chicken-mc-nuggets ; chones ; Christmas-crackers (R.S.); chuckies ; clappers ; cobbs ; cobbles; cobbler's-awls (R.S.); cobbler's-stall (R.S.); cobs ; cockles ; coconuts ; cods ; coffee-stalls (R.S.); cojones ; come-factories ; conkers ; coolies ; crackerjacks ; cream-crackers (R.S.); cullions ; culls ; cum-factories ; cuts ; damsons ; danglers ; diamonds ; ding-dangs ; ding-dongs ; do-dads ; dodads ; dojiggers ; doodads ; dusters ; eggs-(in-the-basket) ; figs ; flack ; flowers-and-frolics ; frick ; fun-and-frolics ; gadgets ; General Smuts (R.S.); gingambobs ; glands ; globes ; goatees ; gonads; gones ; gonicles ; goolies ; gooseberries ; hairy-conkers ; heirlooms ; Henry-Halls (R.S.); higgumbobs ; huevos; interstitial-glands ; Jackson-Pollocks ; jiggumbobs ; jingleberries ; Johnny Rollicks (R.S.); Johnny-Rollocks (R.S.); jumbucks ; jungleberries ; kaks ; kanakas ; kelks ; Ken-Dodds (R.S.); knackers ; knacks ; knockers ; little-acorns ; Little-Buddys-buddies ; love-apples ; love-nuts ; love-spuds ; low-hangers ; marble-halls (R.S.); marbles ; marrons ; marshmallows ; Max-Walls (R.S.); meaty-bites ; meggs ; nackers ; nadgers ; nads ; nags ; nards ; Niagara-Falls (R.S.); nobby-halls (R.S.); nuggets ; nutmegs ; nuts ; orbs ; orchestra-stalls (R.S.); orchids ; ornaments ; pebbles ; pills ; plums ; pounders ; prairie-oysters ; prunes ; rocks ; rollocks ; rollies ; royal-jewels ; Sandra-Bullocks (R.S.); scalloped-potatoes ; seals ; sex-glands ; slabs ; spunk-factories ; spunk-holders ; stones ; sweets ; swingers ; tallywags ; tarn-wags ; tarrywags ; taters ; tatties ; testes ; testimonials ; testosities ; thingamabobs ; thingamajigs ; thingmajigs ; thingumbobs ; thingummies ; Tom-Doolies (R.S.); Tommy-Rollicks (R.S.); Tommy-Rollocks (R.S.); twiddle-diddles ; the twins; the Urals; velvet-orbs ; wank-tanks ; Wentworth-Falls (R.S.); whirlygigs ; witnesses-to-ones-virility ; yarbles ; yongles. Wank Tanks is #1
dvd175 5
u must have alot of free time
Ashimali 0
^^^^^ win
TheLoneWolf87 4
I know, isn't Google great? Fuckwits
IndieSinger 0
Except they spelled "bollocks" wrong.
ZoeeC 0
funbags are the twins are slang for breasts actuallyyyyy
Queen_of_Night 20
Actually it can be used for both.
harahune 0
Call the police on her. But you're still an asshole.
Tozi_fml 0
Yay! You've finally learned something useful in social life : whenever a girl talks about her weight, you just say you don't see what she's talking about. Because anything else will hurt her feelings A LOT and make you look like a total dumbass.
Seventytimeseven 0
totally agree with this for real cause honestly if someone is overweight they kind of do need to be told by the person they are dating. I don't totally disagree with OP's strategy of trying to make her laugh instead of being preoccupied about her weight and just feeling ok with herself. Personally I think that what should have happened here is something along the lines of yea, I guess you have put on some weight but we can work out together it could be really fun. Sooner than you know it you might even be smaller than when we met and until then more cushion for the pushing. Cause the result of that is you getting playfully hit in the arm due to you making the goal sound attainable and youre telling her she is fun and yea you would have just called her fat but real secret like lol
gummybear1996 13
151-honesty is a good policy but there are a lot of girls who can't take you saying anything about their weight. You have to know your audience
sjx 0
Dingleberries are what you call poo balls that dangle from your anus. Most commonly seen on hairy dogs that need to be groomed. Op- I am so sorry that your asshole is so hairy that you have collected dangling balls of poo.
catatonicsleep 17
often seen on sheep too
plethora 3
On sheep they're called dags.
JERKKMONKEY 0
I can see how you tried to like not insult her in your opinion but that was stupid of you haha