Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Not loving it
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
Jog on
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Double trouble
Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Where's the justice?
Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML
Bad boy
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Top comments
syki 22
Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.
oobergoober89 16
I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP
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Comments (62)
oobergoober89 16
I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP
sturschaedel 27
No, the most important thing now is not a diet, it's sports. One can be overweight and still fit. One can be slim and slow. OP needs to build muscle and stamina. The weight will sort itself out to a healthier level (not necessarily normal weight) with that and some sensible adjustments to their nutritional habit (less soda, sweets and junk food, add in some more veggies and freshly cooked meals).
Dale_shackleford 13
What 15 said. It was always funny at school to watch the chubby kids completely outrun the lazy and inactive skinny kids because they had no muscle. Exercise trumps dieting because you can have extra body fat and still be healthy, you can't be unable to walk around the block without sitting down and say the same. And no matter how healthy you are, it is good to avoid stuff like soda and heavily processed foods.
mm12344 8
That's not true 15. To gain muscle you need a calorie surplus and to lose fat you need a calorie deficit. If you try to gain muscle while having excess fat then it won't go away. You need to lose the fat first via diet and cardio and then gain muscle afterwords via calorie surplus and sports.
sturschaedel 27
#39, while what you proposed will certainly work, it is hard to do while you have limited time to focus on your weight loss next to a job where you have to function etc. OP's main problem in this situation was that s/he doesn't have the muscle and stamina to move fast. The quickest fix for that is workout, and it doesn't even matter if it is more cardio or weights at this point, because even cardio exercise will build muscle at first so the body can move. Besides, quoted from an article my physician BIL sent me a while ago: " If you take two men of equal weight, but one has a higher ratio of lean body mass to fat mass, he will burn more calories at rest than his chubbier counterpart. In terms of numbers, this works out to about 13 kcals/kg per day for muscle and 5 kcals/kg per day for fat. It is accepted that 80 percent of the difference in energy expenditure is explained by body composition."
mm12344 8
Exercise/cardio will make the muscles incorporate more mitochondria into the cells, not build more mass. That's what makes exercise easier and easier despite a calorie debt. There's a reason people "cut" before bodybuilding.
doge_ram 16
time for hitting the gym... and the asshole
syki 22
Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.
ComoEsJuan 24
Invest in some Acme products to help catch the Road Runner.
IAm123 24
I know I shouldn't laugh but that's hilarious. It's like straight out of a bad movie.
thesmeagol 22
Just track the ip adress. You can get it from facebook under the security tab if you dont already know the ip adress.
mm12344 8
The best you'll get out of that is their city without a professional and they would have to actually log into OPs Facebook account.
antisolid87 5
That will only work if they log into OPs Facebook, and police subpoena the ISP for subscriber information. Better to get laptop with GPS tracking in future when looking at laptops to buy.
Tripartita 45
Wow, OP, that's bad. That's bad. That's really, really bad. You know? And the whole whole world has to answer right now just to tell you once again, that's bad.
UncleHoodie 22
Looks like you've been hit by a smooth criminal.
Garrett2818 21
I wish I could up vote this like a million times
disturbedchyk 11
#8 hahaha that's gotta be one of the best comments I've read on FML
LevelupKid 8
hahahhahahahahahaha. That is gold!!!
Karau_fml 12
Maybe you should file a police report, also sorry about the laptop!
crudeandrudeguy 29
Way to kick a porker when he's down...(I can say that because I'm also fat)
JayGatsby 25
Does that mean I can be racist because I'm not white?
expertsmilee 26
Kinda defines that whole "white privilege" thing that seems to trending, so apparently yes.