Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I had my boyfriend come over for dinner for the first time. It was all going well until my dad started explaining to my boyfriend how to use toilet paper. He even demonstrated it. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
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Top comments
tzemmy 25
Did he say yes?
HyperTek 16
What's the problem this shit is hilarious. :D
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Comments (57)
disasterlydeed 26
That must have sucked
awildwhisper 30
I would have said "Father, my mouth is open, teach me your ways!"
Talis99 26
Does anyone think these shit-ass puns are going to get upvotes? And I hope that's not you in the pic because it looks like a sex doll rolled in cinnamon or something.
whysobeachy 37
Woah, calm the **** down, #10. No need to get rude about this. How somebody looks does not, in any way, influence what they say.
gatorclay97 28
I laughed my ass of at the sexdoll in cinnamon thing ?
TheNewGuy03 29
10 ... is kinda right. 1's picture really does look exactly like 10's description.
disasterlydeed 26
Yes this is really really me don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful <33333
tzemmy 25
Did he say yes?
CheekyRaccoon 27
Well you don't get an offer to suck on nipples of knowledge everyday, so I'd assume he accepted.
vikky538 29
Say yes to the nipples!! said nobody ever before!!!
FitFriday 32
I want to know what his reply was
HyperTek 16
What's the problem this shit is hilarious. :D
rebel33 10
I am so sorry. That must have been traumatizing.
toasted1 13
Your dad sounds rad. I hope you suckled from his time-tempered tried n true teats!
TheNewGuy03 29
I would personally LOVE to meet a dad like this. We'd be instant best friends.
TheKingOfHearts 19
You know want thing I like better than nipples? KNOWLE- (gets pushed off a cliff)
anonymous198913 26
At least your boyfriend knows he can be relaxed around your father. It's better than your father threatening him the whole time (which happens with overprotective parents)
SecundusSecunda 27
If I was your boyfriend I would've definitely laughed at that! Or perhaps I would have replied with some "edited" Meet the Fockers line like: "I have nipples, (insert dad's name here), could you milk my nipples for knowledge?
tanziir1 14
Are your dads nipples big?