Anonymous
Suwanee, United States
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Hangry dude
Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML
M2thaM
United States
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
mk
Canada
Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML
emilyupsidedown
United States
Out it comes
Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML
The Cat Tickler
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML
xXCHCKXx
United States
Routine maintenance
Today, and for the past few days, my skin has been all blotchy and messed up so I tried a new face mask that was supposed to peel off easily. It ended up sticking to my skin like glue. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to peel it off, one painful sliver at a time. FML
bleeding
United States
Great first impression
Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview, then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, only to see that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML
Godzilla’s wife
Orange, United States
Fork off
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
spiderinmylips
United States
Tasty snack
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Top comments
ki087 20
dude, get some chapstick.
ComoEsJuan 24
Maybe you've been mind controlled by an evil wizard to slowly commit autocannabilsm.
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Comments (55)
ki087 20
dude, get some chapstick.
Eyalsh 32
my ex showed me a method for that, when brushing your teeth, brush your lips also. over a couple of times they will look like new. side effect being a weird feeling in the lips right afterwards for about an hour. but it's totally worth it.
aliciousness116 16
YESS, that method works!
Brandi_Faith 34
Chances are he has some sort of medical issue and it's worse than just your average chapped lips that Chapstick can fix. My cousin had insane chapped lips and went to the doctor it was so bad. The doctor told her she was actually having a type of allergic reaction to her Chapstick and every time she used it to help it was actually making her worse. She was told to stop using all chapsticks and only use Vaseline. It ended up clearing up fairly fast. Try Vaseline only, for about a week, and if there's no improvement go see the doctor.
Rkikkas9713 25
Actually Chapstick makes your lips worse once you stop using it. They put in these crystals that dry out your lips immensely once you stop using it.
youdontsay123456 21
This is when chapstick comes in handy....
MegasaurusRex89 28
Exfoliation and lip treatments are your friend.
ComoEsJuan 24
Maybe you've been mind controlled by an evil wizard to slowly commit autocannabilsm.
sumi90 12
Drink plenty of fluids; water, juices etc. and apply some glycerine instead of Chapstick. It's more effective.
cheshirecat13242 32
Slap some coconut oil on that shit, OP! Works like a charm. You'll have lips like Beyoncé after a week
tin_cup 27
Nice!
TheNewGuy03 29
Pertinent advice. Coconut oil works wonders.
FilleNoir 21
Exfoliate your lips. A glove or a spin brush works wonders.
DirectorLincoln 12
The ****?
novdestiny 23
as does a toothbrush.
nikkibee50 10
For u who don't know, a spinbrush is a toothbrush... It's motorized.
Druu 53
Eww, dude, that is just so gross. Apply vaseline, especially overnight. (Mentholated chapsticks sting like crazy if your lips are chapped.)
feven 32
Sounds painful. But seriously you couldn't find Chapstick or Vaseline anywhere? You kind of deserve it.
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
That's called your forkskin.
apineapple 40
So is he slowly becoming Jewish?
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
Hey we don't need no lip service from you, boy.