Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML
Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
Today, at work, I thought I’d sneak a wee fart out, but ended up shitting myself. I just left work without telling anyone, went home, showered, then went back to work. No one missed me being away for 2 hours. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And you didn't even bring a spare. Strike one.
Tripartita 45
That's /barely/ a breach of trust, OP. The fart I hired to handle my personal finances is being investigated for tax fraud. It's so hard to find trustworthy farts nowadays.
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Comments (52)
nattnatt73 31
Sorry op rejection is never easy, she's probably only not talking to you because she feels it would be awkward. Hopefully she'll get over it soon enough
JusTheo 17
the shit rejected him?
Aethereal 14
Wrong FML?
Tripartita 45
She has a point, though, #1. It would be super awkward to have your underwear talk to you post-shart.
melons 44
It was ejection not rejection.
iLuvfatchickz 4
Standard fml response #1
RosaMaravillosa 10
what are you talking about?
Denny1988 19
what? don't think you read the post properly
AirMelon 12
That must have been a shitty situation
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Get out. Now.
freddygasman 18
And take your shit (joke)with you.
Sandsh8rk 36
#17, I love how your profile pic matches so well with your comment.
Welshite 40
And you didn't even bring a spare. Strike one.
WCARlover 35
I bet OP felt like a real turkey
RodzillaX 30
Hopefully there was a nearby gutter for OP to utilize.
Sandsh8rk 36
This is the best pun I've seen on FML in a long time. Bravo to you!
heatherrr17 19
Lol im sorry but im laughing, try not to be embarressed by it
coolvictori 22
Wow...good luck
lui_pg 21
Why does your age matter here?
WCARlover 35
probably because it's mainly just elderly people who can't control their bodily functions
BoxFullOfLazy 25
Or people with nerve issues or other ailments.
BoxFullOfLazy 25
Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up, throw out the underpants, and get back to work. If someone sees you throwing them out, who cares? This does not have to be a big deal or even an FML. It's life. Things happen.
Tripartita 45
That's /barely/ a breach of trust, OP. The fart I hired to handle my personal finances is being investigated for tax fraud. It's so hard to find trustworthy farts nowadays.
harperska 10
It apparently wasn't so much an untrustworthy fart as a shit fraudulently misrepresenting itself as a fart. While not as severe as tax evasion, such an act is usually grounds for legal redress.
zedjaleaf1 11
This post sums up living in North Dakota for me.
yerawizardlizzy 27
This is a common occurrence in North Dakota??
NostalgiaFreak9 43
In this day in age, you just don't expect that kind of crap.
andrmac 25
This from the guy who shamed the shituation guy??