Today, my navy boyfriend, who's stationed in Italy, calls me to say he is in San Francisco and is coming to see me. After scrambling to get ready, he calls me back to say he doesn't recognize the train station. After searching on Google Maps, it becomes clear he's drunk at Oktoberfest. In Germany. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML
Today, in the neon-lit maze of Tokyo, I stumbled, drunk and disoriented, mistaken for a lost sailor. Arrested, I found myself at the wrong naval base. At 3 AM, two stern Master Chiefs arrived, confusion turning to relief as they whisked me away, navigating the streets like seasoned captains. FML
Today, I caught a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML
Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2-month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
tenkenshi 2
At least he was thinking about you while he was drunk.
celiba_fml 0
your boyfriend is awesome
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Comments (112)
allmidnighteyes 11
At least he's getting drunk.
tuxedoedmudkip1 4
Deja entendu!
celiba_fml 0
your boyfriend is awesome
crzy8mnky 1
Yea I'm not buying that either.
Zhejan 0
What the ****, I don't get this FML at all...
MR_OHCRAP 0
**** off grammar police. OP: WOW, your life is totally ****** cos your bf is having a great time?
soccerkrzy 0
The girlfriend got ready moron, learn how to read.
Intoxicunt 6
It's not that he/she can't read. They are being a grammar Nazi because that is technically worded incorrectly.
Spatch_ 1
No?
Anonanimal 0
its not october. WTF. i dont get this FML. how did you search him on google maps?
Spatch_ 1
You just fail at life. Sorry, but MY GOD.
esushi 0
Oktoberfest is always in late September, weirdo.
Rakayum 0
But its not october!!!
Kenji_fml 0
The Oktoberfest is always in the last days of september.
tenkenshi 2
At least he was thinking about you while he was drunk.
24788 7
I bet he would of told you earlier if he was actually coming.
allmidnighteyes 11
For anyone screaming, "FAKE!!" to this, Oktoberfest is from September 19th through October 4th this year. Now shut your cumholes, jackwads.
ZuRG_fml 7
How do you accidentally dial an international call? You need to add on extra numbers, no?
zOMGitsdc 0
Oktoberfest runs from Sept 19 - Oct 4.
untoldfame 3
alright, I guess SOMAgirl deleted her comment? I assure you it was mentally stimulating, and quite the worthwhile read :)
Intoxicunt 6
Nah, the first 20 or so comments get ****** up really badly. It will chill out after some more comments get up.
Spatch_ 1
Actually I was quite flattered that he called me. The situation was frustrating since I haven't seen him in almost a year, but it was more of a laughing FML haha
Antivirus_fml 0
You're lucky OP, your boyfriend thinks about you even when drunk.
Antivirus_fml 0
OP, you're quite lucky that your boyfriend thinks about you even when drunk. Cheer up. :)
Flounder 2
YDI for dating a guy who's too dumb to know the difference between being in San Francisco or being in Europe. Either that or for YOU being too dumb to know when your boyfriend is ******* you over.
Spatch_ 1
non. this isn't /b/ my friend. :)
MandieHart 0
haha aw I wish I were there :) YDI though for dating a retard.
JJBADGE10 7
He was drunk usually when people drink it doesn't make them smarter.