Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML
All the FMLs
Today, a woman shouted at me to give up my disabled seat on the bus because she wanted to sit down. She wasn't physically disabled, wasn't nearly old enough to need it, and the bus was half empty anyway. I guess my prosthetic leg doesn't entitle me to a priority seat. FML
I can't stand leg puns! tells us more.
Hi all! OP here! So, to start off, thanks for all the support (and sorry for firing off last time!). To the one or two of you who think I should be able to stand, first: the disabled seating is there for a reason; second: when you're standing on the bus you use your toes to help you balance a bit, and if you can't move toes on one leg it's a bit difficult. Third: My leg's basically a metal pole with a foot on the end, it's not one of the fully realistic ones, and I was wearing shorts so it was kinda obvious. Next, to those saying she may have been disabled in her own way: Unless she was severely mentally disabled, she still didn't need to shout at me, and I know her locally, she's just a bit of a bitch. Also there was only like 2 other people on the bus, and about 6 free disabled seats, she just wanted MY seat. And yes I realise I post a lot of stuff, life sucks haha. It isn't as consistent as my posting makes it appear, some of these stories happened a while ago, but how many FMLs actually happened that day? I'll try and think of another for you guys next week hahaha. And to whoever said I need my own section on FML, I won't complain hahaha. Thanks for reading the rant, see ya!
Today, four kids strolled into my building, asked the receptionist where the bikes were kept, and walked out with four bikes twice their size, including mine which had a flat tire. The receptionist waved them goodbye. FML
dino-rex tells us more.
dino-rex 16
I did watch... the security footage afterwards. It was actually my residential building. It was Saturday, I was out of town, and when I got home, the management kindly informed us that the idiot receptionist did nothing but watch when the kids took the bikes. And when I say kids, I mean KIDS, they were no more than 12! They very obviously did not live there (residents all know where the bikes are because they are VERY visible), so my guess is that the receptionist (a guy, by the way) was actually in on the plan to steal the bikes. Sadly, there has been no action taken.
Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML
Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
How Thoughtful
Today, I found out that my new serving job does in fact take the time out to write a check for $0.00. FML
Free healthcare when?
Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML
Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML
Forever Alone
Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML
Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML
Gummy
Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML
Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML
Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML
What's in a name?
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She asked me what year I was born in, then brutally rejected me. Apparently it's because my name wasn't in the top 20 baby names for my birth year. FML
Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML
Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML
Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML
Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML
RIP
Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I resemble a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...
Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
Today, I discovered that my little brother sold my PS2, 3 and 4 along with all of my games in exchange for credits to use in Fortnite. I've had some of that stuff since before he was born. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML
Genius
Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML
Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML