Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML
Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML
Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
DMA 11
No big deal, OP. I’m sure you can find a great deal on a buttplug that goes with formal attire.
interesting33 37
Ah the lesser known art of snarting.
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Comments (7)
interesting33 37
Ah the lesser known art of snarting.
wanted_2_want 40
If you could do it at will you maybe able to do it in concert. LOL
DMA 11
No big deal, OP. I’m sure you can find a great deal on a buttplug that goes with formal attire.
RichardPencil 32
It wouldn’t be so bad if you knew it would always be just a fart. You know what would be funny? If you shit yourself. I guess it wouldn’t be funny for you.
Davros 12
If you do, own it. Laugh once and keep going with your speech. Practice your speech even after you know it by heart.
Cole Manson 10
So literally every time you sneeze or cough you fart? And it's audible? If you have a coughing fit you just fart until it's over? Wonder how that happens.