Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML
Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML
Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML
Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML
Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML
Today, thinking that I was alone at work, I started rummaging through my nose, trying to find something interesting. It was only after about a minute that I noticed that my boss was looking straight at me. FML
Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML
Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML
Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML
Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML
Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML
Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML
Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML
Today, I babysat a four year-old kid, so his parents could go out to party. Once in bed, he yelled, "I want to go party!" After three or four times, I told him to go to sleep. Two hours later, he'd wet the bed, saying, "I told you I want to go potty!" FML
Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML
Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML
Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML
Today, I farted A LOT during an exam, all silent, so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I'm now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML
Today, it appears that my girlfriend visited an internet web page called "How to confess to having an affair." FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML
Today, while at the dinner table, my grandmother told me she backed over a cat. FML
Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML
Today, I learned that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML
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