Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on MSN when her roommate answered, "Sorry, this isn't Marie, she's at her boyfriend’s." Really? I've looked everywhere in my apartment, and I can’t find her. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML
Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML
Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML
Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML
Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML
Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he turned out to be my landlord. FML
Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, the bank I use lost 5 billion. FML
Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML
Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML
Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML
Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML
Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML
Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML
Today, I thought it was yesterday, I went to school for nothing. FML
Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML
Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML
Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
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