schober60
United States
Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML
All the FMLs
schober60 tells us more.
schober60 13
On the bright side it didn't land between the seats..
forever alone
Apolda, Germany
Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML
Anonymous
Bristol, United States
Don't get it
Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML
Anonymous
Humble, United States
Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML
sarahmaxine
Las Vegas, United States
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated two years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML
bkb12
South Windsor, United States
Today, I found out the reason why my car has smelled so bad for the past two weeks. It turns out when my sister was bringing in groceries from my car she forgot to grab the raw chicken. FML
bkb12 tells us more.
Hey everyone, I'm the OP of this post. I didn't notice the smell for so long because the smell had started two weeks ago and only got worse everyday. I looked at my car and couldn't find the source. I sprayed it with febreze hoping that would make it go away. I'm a teenage girl, so I don't know much about cars so I figured it was just something in the hood. When I finally found the chicken, it had been under the backseat the whole time. My sister is actually only 9. I took her shopping with me and she offered to bring in all the bags. I guess I can't blame her though, because the chicken had been hiding. I told her about it and we laughed it off. My car smells fine now. Thanks for all the comments!
better late than never
Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML
Anonymous
Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML
McWhopper
Brookline, United States
Today, I found out that maggots can live inside of a saxophone. FML
Anonymous
Loughton, United Kingdom
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML
pop, pop
San Francisco, United States
Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML
Anonymous
Pottstown, United States
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML
brittrus
Milton, Canada
Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML
MedChew
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
MyNameIsNotJeff
United States
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
alaina2001
Massillon, United States
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML
Martine624
Netherlands
Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML
NevertheKool
Union City, United States
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML
flibbertigibbet
Ukiah, United States
Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML
flibbertigibbet tells us more.
OP here. Just to clarify a few things, my dad started telling me about the aliens BEFORE I could even start telling him my own concerns, so the coincidence was quite funny, if sad. I decided that perhaps it wasn't actually the best time to bring up mental health. And for those who are worried, I am already getting professional help and on medication. It simply doesn't magically fix everything the way I wish it would!
Random737193
Haddonfield, United States
Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML
Anonymous
Philadelphia, United States
Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML
that one anon
San Diego, United States
Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML
CASH_NoMOMEY
Windsor, United States
Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML
StargazeKitsune
Williston, United States
Today, while out shopping with friends, I was apphrehended by two bounty hunters because they recognized my purple-dyed hair. Too bad my name isn't Natalie, who apparently shares the same hair color. They didn't believe me, even after I showed my ID. FML
StargazeKitsune tells us more.
Hey,ya'll! OP here! Of course I forgot to actually log in before I posted this, and THEN it gets published! But please believe me :) So follow up, these bounty hunters did end up leaving me alone without actually bringing me anywhere (trust me, they would have had some claw marks if they had!) They DID pull out handcuffs, which was pretty scary, seeing as I've never even had so much as a speeding ticket on my record. T_T They asked me multiple times if I was Natalie, and if "I was sure I wasn't" after I showed them the ID that clearly says Mackenzie...I'm pretty sure, guy? Other than the purple hair, they didn't even know what the girl looked like. The only other thing they went off was that she was with a guy wearing a black hat (Thanks, Kyle!) But, at the end of this conversation, they ended up backing away with their hands up after my best friend so eloquently stated she wasn't "afraid to cut a bitch." Their only reply was "I believe you..." I did end up calling the cops to make sure they weren't absolutely full of it. The police planned on making a patrol to the grocery store across town they mentioned their next lead was. And my friends who were working at the time weren't too happy about me getting harassed either! I found out after I posted to Facebook that one of the guys used to work for a friend and that he has gotten in trouble for pulling idiotic stunts before! Guess he shouldn't quit his day job! You guys are all hilarious, btw!! These comments are really making me laugh. My friends say I should go as myself for Halloween next year and when people ask who I am, I'll just say "Shhh, I'm Natalie..." I really was pretty shaken up at the time, but IS a hilarious story in hindsight. Thanks for reading! :)
Suicidal_Divide
Sacramento, United States
Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML
Suicidal_Divide tells us more.
OP here. I really didn't think this would be posted. So here is a little background on what was going on. First off, my son is 9 years old and Autistic, he is higher fuctioning but does still does repetative (and sometimes annoying) things. This does not mean I love him any less he is still my baby. He started the beeping because his grandpa came home and settled in without going in an saying Hi, so he hid under a blanket in the entry hall and announced himself by beeping loudly. While this wasn't the best way of trying to get anyones attention, it happened. While it started out cute, it did get annoying after a bit, but I also knew that he would stop as soon as he got tired of his "game". Not everyone would put up with the beeping as long as I did, but he was not hurting anything so I decided to let my son have his fun since he was not hurting anything.
Freelman
Dublin, Ireland
Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML
anonymous
Schaumburg, United States
Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML
Anonymous
France
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's scared because her period is late, and that they're usually on time. Five hours late apparently. FML
seethroughpee
Edmonton, Canada
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML