MyNameIsNotJeff
United States
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Shouldn't you be at the ER?
Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML
Hannah
United States
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
cricketsins
United States
Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML
MushyKetchup
Amarillo, United States
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Boyufd
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Boyufd
They're not real
Today, my girlfriend, KNOWING I have severe arachnophobia, changed the wallpapers on my phone and tablet to pictures of tarantulas, all because she's mad at me. And she won't change it back. FML
QWERTY
Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML
Anonymous
She definitely won though
Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML
eyes wide SHIT
Australia
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
jillydark6609
United States
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Top comments
Akerra89 14
I would thank her for that and kindly mention your fear of spiders, and ask to get another pet together.
dakatabg 31
Blah, that is not a good pet
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Comments (81)
piedpiper303 29
spidey widey coming out of hiding gonna eat your faceeee.
HarshD9619 34
Isn't anyone else curious as to why OP's name is "My name is not Jeff" ?
Badkarma4u 17
Go to vine you'll find out quickly
fml510605 16
Least you tried....
SlimDanny 15
We're not in pre k anymore #1.
piedpiper303 29
Maybe you aren't...
cjack188 13
Could be a reference to Channing Tatums character in the film "she's the man" who has a massive fear of spiders. Channing Tatum was the one who said "My names Jeff" in 22 Jump Street.
alwaysstabbing 19
there is a advertisement in germany about a sex Website and the guy who gets all the women has this phrase "Jeff my namens Jeff" could be a explanation too
Koolaidandtacos 21
I hope you don't act arachnid. (hehe lame nerd joke)
Dick_diamond 22
You're right. The "lame" part..
ohSNAPyall 27
¿?¿?¿?
thatguynamedsky 32
moo
Welshite 40
But he only wants to hug you!
chanellgymnast 17
is the tarantula's name Jeff then?
WilliamMurderfac_fml 23
There's only one spider i know named jeff, and he is a giant mutant who hangs around a round nosed idiot, a scary girl and a bag of bones.
Overlord247 20
108 - Mandy isn't scary she's just misunde- no, wait, you're right... that girl was scary as hell
deathstar3548 14
third britches
Welshite 40
Fourth shirts.
deathstar3548 14
yeah don't mine my comment, my friend took my phone and attempted to type it quick hence it auto corrected to britches lol
AddictGamer 16
'Friend took my phone'
thunderfucked 23
That's a horrible excuse..
DanCastellaneta 17
I guess you consider yourself a friend...
dakatabg 31
Blah, that is not a good pet
MrConcise 35
All about the temperament. I had a black Brazilian that was as sweet as a kitten, but of course it just depends on the particular tarantula. If you don't hold it, it'll flick hairs at you or even hiss.* *Which is why I'd never get a Goliath bird-eater or blue electric, the hissing scares the **** outta me.
randomname98 22
My mom has a Chilean rose tarantula named itsy, and she is totally non aggressive. However, it is still mean to bring a spider into the house of someone afraid of spiders.
MrConcise 35
I guess my comment was more directed at the exact phrase "good pet" because you could say that it's mean to bring dogs into a house with a dog hater, but they're still good pets. I dunno, I wasn't really trying to argue with #5. Just putting out the perspective of an actual arachnophile. :)
Mauskau 36
Spiders can hiss?! I'm suddenly feeling very safe in the UK...
MrConcise 35
So can cockroaches. ;) Be thankful you don't live in Australia. Everything hisses down under.
Akerra89 14
I would thank her for that and kindly mention your fear of spiders, and ask to get another pet together.
Redoxx_fml 22
Maybe it'll bite you and you'll get superpowers...or it'll just hurt a lot
pugpuggy 21
That kindof reminded me of the FML of the little kid who put the spider in the microwave and tried to make it bite him so he'd get superpowers. Anyone? No? Just me?
BitchBeCray 12
OMG Same here #32!
ma12r 22
This sounds like a plot to horror movie.
ohSNAPyall 27
Or Home Alone.
RickySleeves 20
Why would you're girlfriend buy you something you're afraid of? Make her find it! Those things mean death!!
DoomedGemini 38
Not tarantulas, usually the larger the spider the less deadly. There's never been a case of death from a tarantula bite that I know of. And if you are careful and gentle it most likely won't hurt you. There's a lot of people with them as pets.
cristy91 33
The biggest problem with spider bites is an infection from not taking care of the wound or if you're allergic to the venom. OP, if you're afraid then don't keep it, your going to give that animal a bad life. Tell her to take it back to the pet store or to rehome it (or if it's native, to release it again)
brand125 17
hes not being literal, to someone whos extremely afraid, the terror is death! haha
savemeSheehan 8
they do not mean death. they dont hurt people
Darkness_Hate 29
The best way to get over your fear is to face it! Anyway good luck