Nearly FMLs

By midwestfairy - 11/07/2016 23:40 - United States - Urbandale

Today, I got a note from my landlord saying I would be evicted if I didn't clean my house in 7days all because a maitnence guy saw a watermelon on the floor in the living room FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 19

By Mr Sexified - 11/07/2016 22:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, just after two days after a major surgery they are removing my PCA my Patient Controlled Analgesic drug delivery machine which I affectionately named Drug-E. Apparently I don't need it after major spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 14

By MoroseMoose - 11/07/2016 21:59 - United States - El Paso

Today, my boyfriend and I saw his grandmother for the first time since we house sat for her. She pulled us aside and said that she found my lacy black underwear in the bed. She washed them for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 35

By EnglishLover - 11/07/2016 21:02 - Canada - Petrolia

Today, I wasn't feeling good. I went to the bathroom and started feeling faint. I woke up a couple minutes later, on the floor, with my pants around my knees. I don't what's worse: my dad possibly finding me like that or the fact that he didn't hear me collapse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 17

By Confetti - 11/07/2016 20:39 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I took extra care when doing laundry with a pair of shorts with special washing instructions. When I pulled the shorts out, I realized that I had left a wad of tissues in the pocket. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 49

By Brokeniceguy - 11/07/2016 15:02 - United States

Today I found out my work is putting everybody on two months mandatory "vacation," because they can't afford to pay us. Yesterday I spent my entire pay check on a really nice gift for my mom's birthday. It's personalized so I can't take it back. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 90

By breeeanna - 11/07/2016 06:59 - United States - Columbia

Today,I caught my boyfriend cheating, he must have been in the middle of orgasming because when he saw me, he told me to get out so she could finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 51

By HotMamaBBM - 11/07/2016 05:10

Today, I found out that my husband doesn't mention that he's married and flirts all day. How I found out through text messages on our iMac that he thought he deleted then to only accuse me of cheating all because I wanted a job where my ex works. Wth, FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 44

By Really - 11/07/2016 00:35

Today, my annoying neighbour tried twice to get herself invited over. I can't even avoid her because she lives in the condo below me and sees me on my patio anytime I want to go out there, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 41

By Sleeplessinthedesert - 10/07/2016 23:25

Today, as for the last three months, I suffer from insomnia. Just as I manage to fall asleep at 2am, my boss messages me to discuss my work progress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 37

By sugarlips - 10/07/2016 21:59

Today, an infected ulcer gone horribly wrong has made it look like I have some freakish strain of herpes on my mouth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 38

By DeezNuts_1234 - 10/07/2016 21:36

Today, I realized that I dislike my parents so much that I sat around after work at my job for two hours to avoid going home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 67

By grimdarkgirl - 10/07/2016 21:15

Today, I was playing Pokémon Go. I started walking down a hill to catch a Ponyta, but I fell down and sprained my ankle. The Ponyta got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 155

By Seeyounarabish - 10/07/2016 18:38

Today, after Sunday mass, my sister points out a weird black mass underneath the lace of my dress. Perplexed, I looked down to inspect further and discover a wasp, under my boobs, attempting to build a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 48

By mohitoto - 10/07/2016 17:44

Today, a mosquito bit my junk, I'm allergic to mosquitoes, I can't masturbate for 5 months and my dick looks like a pool noodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 46

By RachelRae - 10/07/2016 17:25

Today, I slept through numerous alarms because of some cold medicine I took last night. I was 2 hours late to work. It's my second day.

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 37

By UglyPieceOfShit - 10/07/2016 17:24

Today, I showed my younger brother a photo of me smiling. He laughed and told me it was getting better and atleast I tried... I asked what he meant and he told me my ugliness will get cured eventually. He is 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 29

By perfect timing - 10/07/2016 17:00

Today, I developed plantar fasciitis. Every. Step. Burns. This wouldn't be a huge problem except for that my college orientation is tomorrow and I'll be forced to walk everywhere on the massive campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 25

By bkl - 10/07/2016 13:16

Today, I placed my newfound baby bird outside in hopes it would feel better from the fresh air and sunshine. I came out 10 minutes later to find it roasted in the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 143

By BadLuckAlicia - 10/07/2016 12:16

Today, after 15 months without my period I finally got it. The only issue is I'm going on holiday tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 91

By Doesn'tMatterHadSex - 10/07/2016 11:33

Today, I threw caution to the wind and spent a romantic evening having sex on top of a mountain overlooking a beautiful panorama of a Turkish resort, with a very sexy massuse who kept telling me how beautiful I was. Shame I didn't notice the wedding band tan line until afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 98

By Notdoingthatagain - 10/07/2016 07:35

Today, I finally hooked up with a coworker whom I've been having a crush on for a long time - while we're doing it, he literally screams another girls name. Turns out it was his fiancé's name and also that she is 6 month pregnant with their second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 06:40

Today, my boyfriend, his family, and I were playing Cards Against Humanity. The fill in the blank card was "I love..." One of the choice cards that I read aloud were "My sex life." My boyfriend blurted out, "Which is not good." We've been dating for 4 years and I thought our sex life was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 35

By MysteryEC - 10/07/2016 03:07

Today, I had to miss the last day of summer school for a mandatory event I had to attend, but because I'm not allowed to miss more than 1 hour, I ended up losing the entire course's credits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 47

By Dragoness11 - 09/07/2016 23:29

Today, an elderly client covered in his own excrement tried to slap me across the face with a soiled pad. I don't get paid enough for this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 54

By severelyconcussed - 09/07/2016 23:12

Today, my bf broke up with me for 'never' texting him. I haven't texted him or anyone in the past 48 hours as I've been trying to recover from getting kicked in the head by a horse. He knows this and says I should've made an exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 35

By ScrewedforCollege - 09/07/2016 23:00

Today, my parents decided to let me know that they used "some" of the money that my grandparents left me to pay for my sister's wedding, where it was supposed to be for all of my college costs. By "some" I mean all of it. Classes start this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 22:55

Today, my mom walked in on me in the bathroom, naked, massaging my crotch with a towel. She later gave me a long lecture on the evils of masturbation. I wasn't masturbating, I was drying off after a nice shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 55

By sszebrat - 09/07/2016 21:14

Today, I got to see my dad rub sunscreen on my stepmom's boobs. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't started making noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 30

By OfficialTamponUser - 09/07/2016 19:40

Today, I am 26 years old and have never used a tampon before. After inserting it incorrectly and walking around with it in like that for half the day, I only found success through receiving detailed instructions and pictures from a friend through Snapchat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 43

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 991

You deserved it 8 260

Today, a little girl and her mother stopped in front of my window to look at the witch I'd put there as a Halloween decoration. The little girl was smiling, so I lifted the curtain and smiled at her. When she saw me, she started to cry, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 207

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 043

You deserved it 62 151

Today, I've come to accept that while my family claims to be supportive of my disabilities, they become completely ableist whenever they're the source of the problem, or if my problems otherwise have a direct effect on them. I have no real friends in this world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 197

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 599

You deserved it 24 361

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 1 712