Nearly FMLs

By Topaletofunction - 09/07/2016 18:46

Today I forgot to put sunscreen on the top of my feet. I was outside for two hours and now have second degree burns. Doctor says I should be able to walk again in about a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 35

By jstjackie - 09/07/2016 18:31

Today, I told my boyfriend I'd pay the bill at Olive Garden if he pounded me real good when we got home. He then proceeded to take out his wallet and pay for dinner because he didn't want to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 48

By antiques - 09/07/2016 11:47

Today, my doctor told me the pain and stiffness in my joints is arthritis and at one point he confused my X-ray for a man in his 70's. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 58

By just trying to do me - 09/07/2016 11:04

Today, I have been so excited to start recruiter school to hopefully be closer to my family in Alabama. I just got orders that I will be recruiting in Phoenix, AZ FML.

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 60

By meltingturtle - 09/07/2016 07:35

Today, my friend challenged my travel stories and demanded proof that I've been to 27 countries. I brought him my passport, and he insisted it was 'photoshopped' for a solid hour. I need new friends. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 33

By Eli - 09/07/2016 07:10

Today, I was dying for a hot shower. The hot water hadn't worked for two days. While it was finally getting fixed, a pipe broke somewhere in our building and the water was cut off for 4 hours. When it finally came back on I jumped in the shower immediately. And then, the shower head broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 41

By bri.2097546 - 09/07/2016 04:07

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 99

By #OverNotOverHim - 09/07/2016 04:01

Today, my parents told me at 22 years old, I cannot date the significantly older man I've been seeing for the past 5 months due to their religious beliefs. Too bad I'll have to fall out of love over the weekend since we work together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 51

By barwench - 09/07/2016 03:47

Today, I got stiffed on a $168.00 bar tab because a man and his 4 family members drank $150.00 in liquor. He didn't realize they had ordered so much in the 5 hours they were drinking and left me nothing. FML l

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 40

By ShyGrl90 - 09/07/2016 03:33

Today, I ended up going to work two or so hours early, so I would be there and ready to start. Turns out that I got there on time because my start time was changed without my boss telling me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 48

By ViviChenny - 09/07/2016 03:22

Today, I was woken up at 6 in the morning to quickly come home to clean up puke, because no one wanted to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 37

By bloobalooby - 09/07/2016 03:18

Today, after months of begging my dad to fix my sister's car, my beat up '98 Kia died on me. In the middle of the freeway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 43

By RoryWinchester - 09/07/2016 03:18

Today, My little sister has been washing the dishes so she could go see her boyfriend... They just broke up so now she sees no reason in doing them anymore. This left me to wash all of them that had piled up over the last couple days by myself, in the summer heat, while cooking dinner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 33

By Pans are not phones - 09/07/2016 03:07

Today, I tried to grab my phone. I grabbed the flaming hot pan on the counter instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 03:02

Today, all of my managers were in a conference with a new employee who put in his 2 week notice after only working for 3 weeks. Maybe getting feedback on why he was leaving...wrong, turns out they gave him a raise. Now he makes more than I do and I've been there for 6 years and am way more qualified

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 03:00

Today, I forgot to take my pain medication. When I got to work I got some bad news, and immediately following that bad news, my pain decided to quadruple and brought me to tears. Now, I look like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:56

Today, after a week of my dog not feeling well, my father, (who is a medic in the army) decided to put an I.V. bag in him. After showing no signs of recovery, my usually optimistic stepmother said that if our dog isnt better soon, the chances of him dying are very high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 14

By jessal - 09/07/2016 02:55

Today, my mother-in-law threatened to sue me and take my kids if I don't apologize to her. I have no idea what I did to her this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 15

By decco6226 - 09/07/2016 02:52

Today, after having a diabetic seizure, my mother mixed up my glucagon for insulin. I almost died. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 21

By anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:42

Today, for the third time this week, overtime has been forced on me because my boss is making me do half of my coworker's job in addition to my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 11

By droppingoutiguess - 09/07/2016 02:39

My mom's empty nest syndrome has gotten so bad that she called me crying and told me to drop out of school so I could go back home to live with her. I am a senior graduating with a degree in mechanical engineering.

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:39

Today, I stopped at my local gas station for a fill-up, and had to tell the attendant there was a situation that needed attention out between the pumps. The situation was in fact a dead baby chicken. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 11

By stinaann24 - 09/07/2016 02:28

Today, I was finally told I would not be getting the weeks paid vacation I've been waiting for since I didn't meet the 38 hour average a week requirement. That would be fine if I was told it was 38 and not 35. As well as it being stated 35 in our handbook. They should send us the updated book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 10

By luvlivs - 09/07/2016 02:25

Today, I was evicted from my house because the payment was misplaced by my rental company and while on my to visit my sister in law a drunk driver smashed into my car, now I don't have a place to live my car is totaled and both my neck and back are broken as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 15

By kristergirl - 09/07/2016 02:17

Today,I drank a whole cup of salt water to make me throw up. I am literally pissing out my asshole FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 36

By anon - 09/07/2016 02:13

My mom is trying to make me go to therapy for my recent attitude change. She still hasn't figured out it's because my hate for her has grown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 27

By Alaia - 09/07/2016 02:09

Today, after finally gaining some clarity after a 2 month manic state/discovering I have bi-polar; the love of my life, my fiance, left me. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 02:07

Today, my cousin learned about Pokémon Go. He has Aspergers and ADHD and has previously been obsessed with pokémon. If he downloads the app, not only will I hear endless rambling about pokémon again, but I fear he'll end up in a morgue or prison within a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 10

By DumbbutSmart - 09/07/2016 01:07

Today I lost most of my friends because i decided to quit drinking and partying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 66

By forgottenmeds - 09/07/2016 01:07

Today, I'm 16 hours away from home for my nephews wedding. While the wedding is going on I'm stuck in the hotel room because of dizziness. I have medication for this but it's 16 hours away at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 43

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 241

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 867

You deserved it 5 503

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 893

You deserved it 3 002

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 270

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 079

You deserved it 4 525

Today, I'm on a road trip with my girlfriends, and they're all telling each other stories about their sex lives. Me, as I'm a virgin, I'm writing this FML, bored to death due to not having anything to contribute to the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 183