Nearly FMLs

By therapy sucks - 09/07/2016 01:04

Today, I went to the therapist and told her all the problems I've been having lately. she responded by asking if I could just be happy for once because it's really bumming her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 25

By seffers - 09/07/2016 00:55

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to grab my arms and put me in a headlock. I kicked off and fell on the ground. I later realized I fell in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 26

By Nick_Robertson_4 - 09/07/2016 00:53

Today, I was sick. I puked in a trash can and once it filled up enough I went to throw the bag in the woods. When I flung the bag back to launch it, my puke spilled all over me, making me puke again all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 52

By MissChezbro - 09/07/2016 00:49

Today, I was tripped by my cat and proceeded to fall down the stairs, resulting in a broken rib. Apparently the hospital doesn't believe me and now thinks I'm a suicide risk. My cat is a twerp. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 26

By fantasyworld - 09/07/2016 00:36

Today, my dad drew a mustache and glasses on a picture I was working on, FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 25

By huskylongboarder - 09/07/2016 00:26

Today, not only did my insurance not cover the last half on my loan for my truck that got stolen, but I also got arrested for having a knife over 5" long in my truck when they found it. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 18

By wow... - 09/07/2016 00:20

Today,I witnessed a woman stealing jewelry from the antique mall I work at and when I called her out on it my boss fired me for "angering a customer"

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 00:11

Today, i was so pumped up for my first pokemon go adventure. I was riding with my bike and a phone in a hand while approaching a curb. I thought i could pass it with normal speed but instead I dropped my phone and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 77

By anon - 08/07/2016 23:56

Today, I got all 4 wisdom teeth removed. My pain medication isn't working at all and there's no alternative. Looks like I'm going to have to be in 24 hour pain for the next 4 days and wait for the pain to settle itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 15

By Srslyeffed - 08/07/2016 23:53

Today after having sex, the guy I'm "seeing" showed me pictures of him and his current boyfriend and told me how happy he was to be with him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 23:13

Today, after years of my parents bugging me that I'm wasting my life playing games behind my pc, I finally have a reason to go outside: Pokemon GO. Now that I want to go outside, they won't let me. I'm 23.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 25

By shittysituation pun sucks - 08/07/2016 22:45

Today, a customer walked into the pub I worked at, went straight into the toilet and came out an hour later. He simply said "I wouldn't go in there for a while!", chuckled and then walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 7

By hotbitch - 08/07/2016 22:45

Today, I put my client into the van and was sure I hooked her wheelchair in correctly, one stop light later I got a reality check. she now thinks I tried to kill her and is telling everyone FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 15

By NewlySingle - 08/07/2016 22:44

Today, I discovered a box with my fiancé's collection of things from his ex-girlfriends. In it were over a dozen notes, hidden camera adult videos, and sample cups full of rotting bodily fluids labeled with dates and short descriptions. I guess now I know why he spends so much time in the attic.

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 16

By WeneedStateFarm - 08/07/2016 22:32

Today, to phrase my first sexual experience in car terms, his car was repeatedly driving in and out of my garage when, misjudging the location of the entrance, the car suddenly slammed into the wall. He is now laying on the ground and I think I wrecked his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 12

By Nemoluna1221 - 08/07/2016 22:29

Today, after a 9 hour drive home from visiting my dying grandma, I found out that the AC in our apartment is out and the heat killed my hamster. My husband's response? "Oh that's what that smell must be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 15

By badxluckxcentral - 08/07/2016 22:12

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to get a little freaky we got in the shower to cover eachothers body in chocolate syrup. after we were done and decided to wash off we realized that he forgot to pay the water bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 21

By SingleLife - 08/07/2016 21:27

Today, I am officially 3 days overdue. When asking for natural induction methods, I have had 5 people tell me to just have lots of sex. The father and I broke up 7 months ago. When I explain politely to people, I get back -- just take care of that yourself girl! I think I would if I could reach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 25

By Tarlachia - 08/07/2016 21:07

Today, despite no electricity on in the apartment, I steam cleaned the carpet per the urgent request of the property manager. When I got done, I walked outdoors only to find the air cooler outside than inside. It's 98 degrees outside with a heat index of 105. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 18

By Lip gloss girl - 08/07/2016 16:50 - Belgium - Westerlo

Today, a fly just flew into my lips and because I'm wearing lip gloss it got stuck and then I smushed it. Against my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 16:48 - United States

Today, I live in a largely rural area and shockingly got my wallet stolen while I was at work. then on my way home I ran out of gas. and to make matters worse not only is it a 35 mile walk home it's started to rain......fml

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 28

By bradleybaldwin - 08/07/2016 16:36 - United States - Phoenix

Today, it is two days before I'm supposed to move across the country. Me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years had broken up a few weeks prior in preparation of my move. Today is also the day I found out she is 5 weeks pregnant. I still have to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 16:19 - Saudi Arabia - Jeddah

Today, as me and my boyfriend were going at it, he accidentally analed me with a condom on and no lube. The condom popped inside of me and I shrieked in pain, holding my asshole. As my boyfriend finishes laughing he asks, "So, you dont want to continue?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 16:11 - United States - Westford

Today, I am at the car dealership with my parents, ready to buy my first car. Except that I'm not choosing the model. Or the color. Or any of the packages that come along with it. I'm still paying though.

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 32

By jaydacookie - 08/07/2016 16:06 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, my house is infested with camel spiders. They particularly like hiding in between the folds of my shower curtain. I really just want to have a nice shower without worrying about having to kill one of those disgusting things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 24

By bye - 08/07/2016 15:57 - United States - Oakland

Today, I realized that no matter how happy or positive I am, my best friend degrades me in front of everyone for being so negative. It's a daily thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 24

By buddy0712 - 08/07/2016 15:53 - Canada - Shallow Lake

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to dangle a sock over my face with a fishing rod while I tanned outside. What he didn't find funny was taking me to the hospital afterwards to get the fishing hook removed from my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 14

By CantBelieveItsNotAJoke - 08/07/2016 14:30 - United States - Newport News

Today, I read the FML about the girlfriend leaving for her job and the boyfriend getting upset and thought about how much it would suck for that to happen. A couple minutes ago my boyfriend told me he was moving to Michigan. Tonight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 14

By Soryl - 08/07/2016 14:14 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today a man approached me at the retail store where I work as a cashier. He was buying pickaxe, two rolls of tape and 50 L jerry can. Later that day, our local TV station announced, that the police have arrested a man, who was planning to kill his wife, burn the corpse and bury the remains. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 16

By CrazyFastRapper - 08/07/2016 14:13 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was going to go on date. I had no idea my brother put laxatives in my drink a few hours before. So right after the date started...I had to run to the bathroom. I was stuck in there for a hour...FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 12

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 180

You deserved it 3 176

Today, I was trying to flirt with someone in a small bar. I thought they'd smiled at me, so I smiled back. Turns out, they were smiling at their phone screen. I just awkwardly sat there, smiling into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 292

Today, I saw my husband at a restaurant, laughing with a hot woman. He'd told me he was at a meeting with the VP of his company. Furious, I barged in and started screaming at them, calling him a cheater and a liar. Turns out the woman was actually the VP of his company, and they were in the middle of the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 3 730

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 755

You deserved it 7 597

Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 121

You deserved it 46 694

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 629

You deserved it 4 031